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Comments for 'SNIPER: Part-One' |
Alpha Lance
10:57 pm | August 12, 2003
Sweet when does the war against hawk7889 begain.
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Vege7a
4:44 pm | August 12, 2003
I'm already on your side. :]
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Hunter_Killer
1:28 am | August 12, 2003
So, my friend Vege7a, I'm recruiting help on the war vs. Hawk8776 and a few other bitches. Would you like to join our side(Side of people like me, Elfster, scope, and Alpha Lance)?
"Oh, and do you wanna be a sniper, spec ops, driver?" lol, just teasing. sorry. =D
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Vege7a
10:55 pm | August 11, 2003
Thanks Hunter_Killer! :]
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Hunter_Killer
7:05 pm | August 11, 2003
lol, good. Hawk8776 hasn't come to tell you you suck yet. He thinks everyone sucks. He sucks.
Story has potental, reminds me of first one of Covenant Invasion!, first one in sieries is worst.
8.200.000.001/10(Still a good rating!)
Hawk8776 is a God Damn Asshole.
Fuck Hawk8776.
*Takes Shotgun and empties 4685764376724564753285625032572065728456578246248647654385 clips on the Bitch*
He thinks that just bacause a few of my stories are compleste and utter crap, I'm magicaly a God Damned Fucking Bad Writer.
(lol, keep SNIPER going. Me like.)
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monitor101
6:00 pm | August 11, 2003
Too short the grammer was bad and you need to make a new paragragh when ever someone talks it makes it easier to read. Take the tips in mind Vege7a. 7/10
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Elfster
4:19 pm | August 11, 2003
I agree, you cant kill a Elite Commander with a combat knife and a shot to the head. His shields would have barely even gone down from that. And you don't get to pick what position, especially if you havent even gone to boot yet. the dialogue wasn't corny, i liked it when the captain said "But i trust you all know how to pull the trigger!" and yes without training he wouldn't have been able to snipe that well i don't think. Other than that, pretty good. 7/10 or 8/10
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Elfster
4:17 pm | August 11, 2003
oh Ish shut your trap. People don't giveshit about grammar when they talk. most dont anyways
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Spartan-419
2:51 pm | August 11, 2003
I liked your first chapter but you need to make it longer
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Tango709
11:20 am | August 11, 2003
eh, it wasn't that bad but khyber is right--you don't choose your position unless you are a military academy grad.
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Spartan 117
11:20 am | August 11, 2003
excuse me, armor piercing ammo
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Spartan 117
11:13 am | August 11, 2003
isn't it amazing that where all sorts of superpowered, armor-piercing armor have failed, a guy with a knife and no training can simply stab a professional Covenant warrior while he stands there and waits for him to switch weapons.
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Khyber
11:09 am | August 11, 2003
seriously, a recruiter doesn't just hand you a sheet and say, "d o you want to be special forces, a sniper, a driver or what?" things just dont work thst way. just about everybody starts out a marine regular, and if a special skill is identified in basic training or later on they are considered for application to a sniper school or other special training.
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Vege7a
9:23 pm | August 10, 2003
Yeah, sorry about not really explaining some things very well. I'll post the next part soon, and thanks to you guys' advice, It'll be better than the first, [hopefully] :] Well, thanks for the comments, they helped a LOT.
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Ishkabibbl
7:39 pm | August 10, 2003
I read the first sentance and winced, is the guy supposed to be a dumbass and use bad grammer?
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Alpha Lance
6:07 pm | August 10, 2003
Start a new paragraph when someone gets done talkin,8.5/10.
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Da Mann
6:07 pm | August 10, 2003
Hmmmm, it's a little fantastic that a soldier can recieve all of the basic traning and knowledge required for combat just from a Pelican crash. Or is it the neural implants? Or the spirit of the previous owner of the uniform that Jake is wearing? I believe this story has potential, but some loose ends need tying up.
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scope
5:13 pm | August 10, 2003
8/10 THis isnent the best of storys
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Jamirus99
5:06 pm | August 10, 2003
Bill, I'd love for you to elaborate on that...its a pretty good start, Veg. Very gung-ho, but like J-pr1m3 said, some spots were descriptive, some things you just glanced over. Oh, and a bit of corny dialogue ;)
Other than that, I think you're off to a good start.
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J-pr1m3
3:34 pm | August 10, 2003
On a different note, I enjoyed this piece... had some good ideas, and becomes descriptive in some spots. Maybe illustrating story locations instead of telling what was where would improve on your well-built ideas. ("showing" your story, not "telling")
Gotta love them sniper stories, eh?
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Vege7a
2:04 pm | August 10, 2003
Thanks for the 'compliment'. :P Hey, The series'll get better as it progresses, the first chapter of a fan-fic is always the worst because it's the one that has to explain the plot and everything. Don't give up on my series yet!
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Bill
2:02 pm | August 10, 2003
Dude. This story sucks.
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