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Comments for 'Allies or Enemies part 1' |
Alexander Zablan
11:58 am | April 14, 2004
First of all where the hell is it taking place?
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scope0777
3:23 pm | April 25, 2003
I liked it but grammer could use some work, also and some grunts into the plot my little sister plays HALO and thinks the grunts are "cute" so every story with a grunt in it I read to her.
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John Morris
11:29 am | April 24, 2003
Sorry I'm jumping off the band wagon hear to go on a rant, but this story was of a 6th grade Caliber, yes in mine the story had errors, but please correct them, also the language is poor, and then, and then, the,the,the, common use a thesaurs, I may sound evil, but take these into account until then I cannot give this more than a 4/10
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Steele
9:45 pm | April 15, 2003
First of all: Grammar. While you may not have that much time, come back when you do. Everytime someone new speaks you should have a new paragraph. Two spaces after a period. Also touch you sentences up a little bit, that'll work. But other wise keep writing. Everyone has room for improvement. Also more background information. Not everyone knows what is going on in the Authors head.
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QWERTYUIOP
9:34 pm | April 15, 2003
It is good.
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James Kinsella
12:27 pm | April 15, 2003
Write the next one, but pay a little more attention to grammar, spelling, and the [indent] tag. It is a good concept it just needs a little spit polish.
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thoridan
2:09 am | April 15, 2003
it is taking place on halo , you know the part of two betrayles where you come out of a cave and see a groupe of covadent fighting flood wile defending a small hill but in the game neither a dropship or marines come I wanted to make a change that would effect the rest of the game. (if you still dont understand the location play the level two betrayles again and if you are not there yet THAN GET THERE!!!!!!!!!
thank you for your patince
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el_halo_diablo
12:43 am | April 15, 2003
I'm guessing it takes place on a habitable planet. Is that good enough for you Lost Rock? ;)
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LostRock
10:46 pm | April 14, 2003
If you DO continue, at least tell us when and where this is all taking place! I'm so confused!
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Havok
10:03 pm | April 14, 2003
i guess html doesnt work on the comment pages anymore
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Havok
9:59 pm | April 14, 2003
the story has a good plot so far, but you kind of jumped into it. also, when you post the next section, click on the [b]directions for use[/b] hyperlink on the submission form for some basic html code. you need to indent the paragraphs and stuff like that.
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thoridan
9:41 pm | April 14, 2003
ill try harder next time.
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A
7:03 pm | April 14, 2003
I think you should countinue, just take a little more time.
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Shadow Spartan
5:49 pm | April 14, 2003
a lot of grammar problems, but you can fix those. it seemed to be ok, i give it a 7.5 out of 10...and really, its entirely up to you if you should continue it.
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thoridan
4:39 pm | April 14, 2003
Please say if i should write the rest or not if you like it i will.
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thoridan
4:35 pm | April 14, 2003
I had to write my story in a rush so it was hard to get all of my grammar and spelling correct I will try to do better next time. =)
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Ishkabibbl
3:41 pm | April 14, 2003
Not to be a jerk, but when you have two people talking don't have the, I think its quotation marks, next to each other.
Ex. "Over there!""Where?"
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Angelus
2:04 pm | April 14, 2003
I like it, suspenseful, yet almost to the point, good work
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