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Comments for 'The Forerunner: Chapter One' |
The Silver Spartan
12:51 pm | March 26, 2004
Wow! I am so glad you are back! I thought you gave up on fanfiction or something ;) You are one of my three favorite autors, and the second one to dissappear. I got really excited when I saw you were back. So anyway great story. I can't wait until you post the next Pirates: UNSC Nemisis story that is, if you do (*Wink *Wink). Great to hear from you again!
PS: Whatever happened to Hornet34?
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teemus
12:29 pm | March 24, 2004
Well, your back. I liked it, keep it up!
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Steele
1:41 am | March 24, 2004
Agent Shade: Yeah, it is. You can just click "Read this series," and you'll get both stories.
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Agent Shade
10:14 pm | March 23, 2004
good to have you back Steele
quick question, is that a continuing of that Forerunner story you started a long time ago...about a bunch of marines getting slaughtered by an unknown enemy?
'nosolee went right to the point and covered up my complaints. nothing to question, excellent job, keep writing
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Helljumper
8:12 pm | March 23, 2004
It was a good action scene
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Steele
6:54 pm | March 23, 2004
Thanks. Did you read just this part or the prologue, too?
The reason I said, 'he had been' instead of 'he was' was because it fit better in that context. The whole story was told in past tense, but that was the past-past tense form. Kind of hard to explain...
As for the repeated use of 'and', I'm not sure I had a problem with it, but I'll be more conscious of it from now on.
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'Nosolee
2:15 pm | March 23, 2004
Ok, the story itself is really good. i can't wait to see how the plot thickens into the introduction Forerunner. Excellent.
However, there are some minor grammar errors that are easily overlooked. For example, try to refrain from phrases that contain the words 'he had been' and simply say 'he was'. Another tiny thing was the repition of 'and', instead of(not a direct quote from you) 'He jumped through the window and shot and rolled' vary it and make it 'Jumping through the window, he shot while rolling', it flows better.
Just some hopefully helpful comments ;)
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'Nosolee
2:06 pm | March 23, 2004
Yes! Steele you're back posting stories!
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