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Comments for 'We all fall as one together' |
Kaizen
12:07 am | June 28, 2004
NK and beans do ever shut up!? Good story but i dont think spartans randomly blow themselves up. Or did i miss that part in first strike...
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Guardian
4:19 am | June 26, 2004
The suit he's wearing contains a fail-safe that can be properly activated with a code.
"pushes a few buttons" does not activate the fail safe. if you're going to use such things use them right.
Also the fail-safe has a timer, if you read First-Strike, Grace's death. John opens a small panel in her suite punches in a code, not some buttons, and activates the self destruct, about a few minutes later her suit detonates envoloping everything within twenty meters in a fireball. Instant Death.
Finally, the spartan won't commit suicide even if he's the last person left amongst and army of a few thousand genocidal alien bastards.
If he's going down he's going down with a lot of them with him. Not he's going down first with like a few with him.
When Grace's final action which was the suits detonation activated by John, killed more than a few Covenant or should i say a lot of Covenant. Now thats a spartan dying with honor.
You just f-ed everything.
Poorly done
5.2/10
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Jet
12:09 pm | June 24, 2004
Descent first try. Oh, and i think brnt is burnt.
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X
1:01 am | June 24, 2004
It can make sense in certain situations that are desperate. Although that is not the case here, it was an idea that not many try to use.
I got to give it to you for trying.
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Anonymous
12:52 am | June 24, 2004
Right... so instead of using regular Marine volunteers, they decide to blow up their best and most valueable soldier, the one they can't afford to lose... makes real sense. You'd make a great general.
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Sean
5:06 pm | June 23, 2004
Thanks but you know I wanted to have this be where the human forces are well losing so they start to send bombers.
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AmokTheClown
5:42 am | June 23, 2004
way too choppy dude. but a good first try.
do you read at all?
cos if you do, and this is your first time..., you should try and emulate your favourite author's writing style. and then when you've read a few novels, you can chop and change. then, eventually you'll find something all your own...
this site is perfect for it...
just don't try and emulate someone else's story... some people would call that plagerism...
also, come up with a name, not a title...
ie... Sgt...
Sgt is an abreviation for one thing... so, call him a Sergeant... but don't keep saying, then the sergeant did this, then the sergeant shot this... give him a name... so you can swap between the two... mix it up a little...
also, if you've read The Fall of Reach, you'll see that SPARTAN's aren't suicide bombers. if they're outmatched and outnumbered, then they're to engage in hit and run, and gurilla tactics...
i hate spelling...
anyway... good first try.
AmokTheClown
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Mainevent
1:42 am | June 23, 2004
brunt...burnt...
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Sean
7:41 pm | June 22, 2004
Thank you but Anonymous don't be such a little pus**. I took a new idea into play with a bomber. Everyone else thank you for your honest comment's.
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343 Salty Beans
6:00 pm | June 22, 2004
A little too choppy; you should combine some of your sentences. Also, proofread before you post, because you had a few punctuational and grammatical errors.
And this sentence was the most confusing:
He picked up suppiles and guns as he ran to the highest point on the base. His armor was dented and nearly brunt at every piece.
I know 'suppiles' is supplies, but what is 'brunt'?
And of course, you didn't use the code. Since I consider myself a slightly nice guy, I'm going to post it for you.
When you indent, italicize, and bolden your text in your word-editing program, it doesn't carry over to your FF/ That's why you proofread and check for mistakes. Instead, do this:
to italicize a block of text, put [i] before the block, and [/i] to end it. To bolden, do [b], [/b], and underlining is [u], [/u].
Indenting helps seperate paragraphs. To put an indent, put a [indent] where you want it to show up.
Finally, for a horizontal rule, put [hr] between two paragraphs. A horizontal rule usually shows a change in time, place, or other major switch in the story.
Yeah, there's the code. Use it, or the regulars go nuts on you.
343SB
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Anonymous
1:12 am | June 22, 2004
DUDE WTF A SUICIDE BOMBER FU
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Anonymous
1:10 am | June 22, 2004
WTF That was not exactly the best story i have read , why did he blow himself up to take out a handful of elites ? In thw future please be smoother on the story and have more details.
PEACE OUT
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Sean
6:50 pm | June 21, 2004
The last part is with the Spartan but the first 2 parts are with Marines. Sorry for it being choppy it's my first time.
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SeverianofUrth
6:27 pm | June 21, 2004
He's a spartan? The story is a little vague about that... And I highly doubt that all the grunts and jackals and elites would actually miss him the whole time. Choppy, too.
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Sean
5:13 pm | June 21, 2004
Oh and before anyone writes " A Spartan would never do that" I made him kind of like a suicide bomber.
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Sean
4:55 pm | June 21, 2004
Thanks Nick I'll try and work on next one. This is my first fanfic so don't go all crazy on me.
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Nick Kang
12:20 pm | June 21, 2004
Hmmmm...kinda choppy, and lacked a little detail.
7.6/10
NK
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Nick Kang
12:20 pm | June 21, 2004
Hmmmm...kinda choppy, and lacked a little detail.
7.6/10
NK
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