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Comments for 'The Virus Part 2' |
monitor101
12:12 am | April 27, 2003
True Hunterkiller the Grunt and the Elite have key roles in this series.
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HunterKiller
2:54 am | April 26, 2003
Nicely described how the virus killed the soldier. After reading the first part I thought about why you would put the Grunt part in at the beginning then I thought "Hey this Grunt could be a key player in the story as is clearly stated here. Kepp up the good work.
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Red
10:15 pm | April 25, 2003
Honestly, I could care less about you using units, but if you do use them could you try to put a little thing up at the top, "NOTE: 1 Unit is a day" or something like that? Well, whatever happens there doesn't affect the way that this is written... It has a good story, but you are doing something wrong... It is good to see you (unlike mos people here) remembers that there is such thing as talking, that is good, you also don't overkill the talking. BUt one thing that you seem to have almost amiss in this short fanfic is descriptions. Maybe if your Grunt was in a huge, cavernous roome with columns everywhere and twelves hunters standing guard it would be a little more impressive. Overall, well past good enough, but still, get some places in your fanfic...
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el_halo_diablo
9:43 pm | April 25, 2003
I just watched 'Red Asphalt III' for the second time today, so I didn't really appreciate this part, but it was still fine. I caught the whole Unit thing also.
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James Kinsella
9:32 pm | April 25, 2003
I'm sorry that I didn't comment earlier, but I had to buy new keyboard.(old one suddenly blew up in my face) I thought it was an excellent story and I hope you keep it up. As I read this I kept thinking,"I'm melting, I'm, melting!" From the Wizard of Oz. I know it's lame, but that's the power of words. Keep it up.
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monitor101
9:16 pm | April 25, 2003
Thanks for the comments keep them coming!
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Havok
9:07 pm | April 25, 2003
great description of how the plague attacked that soldier.keep it up
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monitor101
8:35 pm | April 25, 2003
Well I don't use the damn'd meric system it pisses me off this is America not Europe.
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Arthur Wellesly
8:29 pm | April 25, 2003
Yea, it was pretty good. I really enjoyed reading it, though it was kinda short. 8.5/10. Also, there are some punctuation errors. However, I didn't mind the "units" thing. Units isn't the actual measurement they use. It just gets too tiresome saying 109 Koolajewls and 50 Bingdabongs, and it wouldn't make sense if they said years, meters, etc.
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Steele
7:51 pm | April 25, 2003
8.5/10. I implore you to space out the paragraphs. Just one little return between every paragraph, it makes it so much easier to read and is quick and easy to do.
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ThreadedAce3
6:50 pm | April 25, 2003
The story was good. just seemed to me to be a bit short. other than the question of what a "unit" is, it was relativly good.
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monitor101
3:50 pm | April 25, 2003
Ok I don't understand UNITS either. The covenant use units for every type of measurment. I just used them because what else does the Covenenat use for time?
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Sarge
12:27 pm | April 25, 2003
Okay here's the problem that caught my eye...
You say it hasn't been seen for 20 units which is undescribed amount of time...
Then you say the Elite waited half a unit making me think it was recent so please clarify...
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