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Comments for 'Relic, Part 1' |
The Green Grunt
5:14 am | January 9, 2004
Nice job man, i thought the jacket trick was really clever, one thing is if he just through the nade normal, that would mean the Elites would have to move to dodge, there for being in the sights of the outnumbering marines, so either way works, keep up the good work. =)
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Inept Zombie
8:08 pm | January 4, 2004
Yes, I know the whole "elite's going down with one grenade" is a bit inaccurate. I [i]did[/i], however, mean to have just 2 moans from 3 elites, because one of them probly didn't have time to emitt painful noises. Thanks very much everyone who has critiqued this, it is 3 times as much response as i expected. I don't think I will continue this story for a bit. I guess I'm going to keep writing here.
Once again, thank you!!!
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'Nosolee
6:29 pm | January 4, 2004
Lol, ok Hawk.
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Walker
4:12 pm | January 4, 2004
I for one wouldn't mind having the old Hawk back sometimes... I've played his role some, but I guess I can see why he stopped. After a while telling new authors everything that's wrong with their story, then having to go and get Mr. Wu to clean up all the spam and barely-legible streams of cussing they wrote on your old comments sections gets to be a pain.
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a newb
1:12 pm | January 4, 2004
irl marines would pwn covies
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Hawk7886
12:24 pm | January 4, 2004
Well, I'm not good at acting the evil teacher role, so it just sorta 'faded out'. Hard to explain, I just didn't want to put down aspiring authors. . .
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Silent Hunter
5:55 am | January 4, 2004
I would say it's short, but I'm the definition of really short chapters... ;)
The only thing I would like to know is what timeframe are we looking at? Is this somethime during the Battle of Earth, Halo, or sometime before?
Plus you made the covenant look like total wussies...I mean, one grenade? c'mon...The humans wouldn't need the Spartans if they all went down that easily...
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Hikaru-119
3:17 am | January 4, 2004
Okay um not a bad write, with a few inaccuracies. A blue Elite takes at least 1 grenade and a bunch of bullets before it croaks. Generally two grenades will do the trick. 3 for red, 4 for black and gold last I rememerb. Plus you should make the Covenant more agressive. I mean they are on a religous rampage with the only goal of killing us. Not saving themselves behind a table. Also add just a bit more detail. Detail will make alot come alive. Other than that you got yourself a good start up for a story.
Also take FOrunnER's advice. He's right on the whole 'really are' thing.
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Sterfrye36
9:02 pm | January 3, 2004
Not bad. Coding wasn't to rushed, either. Next time, watch your number agreement though.
You said there were 3 Elites and when the grenade blew, there were only two moans. I suppose that's not a big deal. After all, one of them might not have had a chance to groan before dying.
Nice for a first offering. Keep up the good work.
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Alpha Lance
8:24 pm | January 3, 2004
A bit short, would had been great if it was longer. I like how you use the code, and the battle description was good. All around, this was good. Would like to see more, and if you write the next part, make it a bit longer.
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'Nosolee
8:17 pm | January 3, 2004
I like how you introduced what happened earlier through his thoughts, not just flat out saying it. Good job.
Hawk, you seem to be going lighter on people nowadays, not so hard in grading anymore, eh? lol
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Kojack
7:57 pm | January 3, 2004
I enjoyed what was presented. Your description, all-around, was well-done. Some parts lacked it. In the end, I liked what I read, and I look forward to more of your writing.
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Inept Zombie
2:12 pm | January 3, 2004
Yeah, I didn't really work much on it, I was just seeing if people liked my writing. Thanks very much.
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Inept Zombie
2:12 pm | January 3, 2004
I tried writing part 2 to this, but it just didn't seem right. I was thinking of starting another series, if people liked this.
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Hawk7886
10:05 am | January 3, 2004
Very good use of the code, not bad for a first story.
I like how you referred to the Covenant down the hall as 'alien killing machines'.
It was a bit short, hopefully you'll expand a bit more on the next one.
I've stopped giving ratings; I don't feel it's necessary. This story is something to be proud of. Good job!
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FOrunnER
9:45 am | January 3, 2004
Decent combat story. The whole grenade in the jacket thing was kind of...unorthodox but okay. As long as it works. You didn't do it much here but Im just saying it to refrence in future stories, try not to make the Covies seem like push-overs. I highly reccomend playin Halo on Legendary to get a feel for how the Covies 'really' are.
I give this a B-
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