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Comments for 'Blue Squadron Chronicles, Part Three' |
Hunter_Killer
12:18 pm | October 28, 2003
Eleven actualy, Sarge. But yah, I'm surprisingly young for this, considering there's 18-year olds who can't write as good as me! =D
So, never compalian about being 14 and not having good fan fics, whoever dat was. If I can do it, so can you! =)
- Hunter_Killer
"There are two things I can't stand in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's culures, and the DUTCH." - Austin Power's Father, Austin Powers in Goldmember, 2002 or 2003
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Sergeant B
1:38 am | October 28, 2003
So Hunter_Killer. You're ten?
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Hunter_Killer
12:24 pm | October 27, 2003
That was the longest, and nicest, post I have ever recived, Dispraiser. THank you very much.
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Mainevent
2:01 am | October 26, 2003
Just wait Dispraiser, I'm making award quality material in Hour Six, so you just wait....
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Dispraiser
2:09 pm | October 25, 2003
Also a little short...
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Dispraiser
2:02 pm | October 25, 2003
Flackfic of One
Getting closer. You just set the new high score...
I took a half off for HBO code, because you didn't indent, but you did use bold pretty nicely. Pretty self explanatory.
I took the other half because there was some extra words, the epitome probably the last sentance. "And so the battle went[...]"
Probably a better way to word that, granted, but 'so' was an extra word. I wasn't happy with that sentance...
I loved the vocabulary though. This pilot hated the Covenant, and this waqs very clear. The Damnable beasts, and stuf like that. Very impressive. Normally you see a fanfic go "Me hate thos bastadrs", nothing nearly as sophisticated as that.
I did notice a little repetition too, and I added that into the half point for wording. I can't recall now, but I think you said pinged a few times, wheras generally you try not to use the same adjective or adverb within a fanfic chapter unless you are trying to express conformity, in which case, go ahead. But I don't think that would be an admirable trait, as this fanfic would aim to showcase.
Still, the best I've seen, you're well on your way to earning the first fanfic award, despite stiff cometition (two twos...)
http://dispraiser.tripod.com/flackfic.htm
Find out what yours means if you want.
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