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Comments for 'Redemption, and Victory Part Two' |
Hunter_Killer
10:05 pm | July 2, 2003
Ok. Covenant Invasion! Part Seven, is comming soon.
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Hawk7886
5:38 pm | July 2, 2003
Sorry about the comments. I didn't mean for them to sound so snippy. I was just dissapointed because your other stories were so articulate. I will try to sound more constructive in the future. Also, I want to apologize on the last Cole Protocol thingy. I just didn't do my homework on that. Can't wait for your next one though, so keep up the good work.
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Hunter_Killer
10:35 am | July 2, 2003
Ok, mayve i was a LITTLE overreactant... sorry. (~_~)
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Hunter_Killer
10:26 am | July 2, 2003
To Hawk7886:
Ok, you didn't insult me outright, do I won't ether.
You ARE Right on the first three or four. However, in response to your almost snippy questions:
The Redemption is going down, and White knows it. Therefore, COLE PROTICOL!!!!
Duh!
And last, Mr. Critic,
I'd like to see your Fan Fiction!
I am tired of these people being most critical on my Stories' Comments Section.
Some of them, HAVE NOT WRITEN a SINGLE STORY here!
So, to you people, and you know who you are,
"DO NOT JUDGE OTHERS LEST YOU BE JUDGED THE SAME!"
--- Oh, and I admit it was my worst work yet. ;)
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Elfster
4:03 am | July 2, 2003
Unfortunetly I have to agree on ALOT of the things he just said. But I do not agree on the last one. Because Captain Keyes had somewhat of a close relationship with MC so maybe he knew about his armor. and, Cole Protocol DOES say that the AI needs to be taken out, or destroyed or something, and a Spartan's helmet is an ideal place for it.
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Hawk7886
1:48 am | July 2, 2003
I Give it a 5.25. The Reference to the Pillar of Autumn level was dissapointing. Also some errors with the weoponry
""Captain White," Said the Master Chief.
"Master Chief. Glad to see you awake," Replied the Captain, "However, things aren't going well." He indicated a holo-screen, which had one yellow triangle in the center, and many red circles surrounding it. "Merlin did his best, but we never really had a chance."
A voice, along with a holographic image of a man, appeared.
A dozen Covenant Battle Groups, versus one Starblade Class Frigate, with those odds, I'm content with three... make that four, kills." He turned to the Chief; "Did you sleep well?"
"No thanks to you're driving, yes," Said the Master Chief.
"So you did miss me." He hologram smiled shrewdly.
Suddenly, an explosion rocked the ship.
"Report!" Ordered the Captain.
"It must have been a Covenant boarding party, probably an anti-matter charge," Said Merlin."
-Redemption, and Victory Part Two
"MASTER CHIEF:
Captain Keyes...
KEYES:
Good to see you, Master Chief. Things aren't going well. Cortana did her best, but we never really had a chance.
CORTANA:
A dozen Covenant superior battleships against a single Halcyon-class cruiser. Given those odds I'm content with three...make that four kills. (Turns to Chief) Sleep well?
CHIEF:
No thanks to your driving, yes.
CORTANA:
So you did miss me.
(Large explosion)
KEYES:
Report!
CORTANA:
It must have been one of their boarding parties! I'd guess an anti-matter charge!
-Pillar of Autumn Level Transcripts
"The Spartan came to attention. "Captain Keyes."
Captain Keyes turned to face him. "Good to see you, Master Chief. Things aren't going well. Cortana did her best-but we never really had a chance."
The AI arched a holographic eyebrow. "A dozen Covenant battleships against a single Halcyon-class cruiser . . . With those odds we still had three-" She paused, as if distracted, then amended: "-Make that four kills."
Cortana looked at the Chief. "Sleep well?"
"Yes," he replied. "No thanks to your driving."
Cortana smiled. "So, you did miss me."
Before he could reply, another blast rocked the entire ship.
He grabbed a nearby support pillar and braced himself as several crewers crashed to the deck nearby.
Keye grabbed onto a console for support. "Report!"
Cortana Shimmered blue. "It must have been one of their boarding parties. My guess is an antimatter charge."
-Halo: The Flood - Page 25
Also, the presentation of the grenades and the sniper rifle was below par. The grenades are called M9 HE-DP Grenades, not "FRAG Grenades".
Secondly, the Sniper Rifle is called S2 AM Sniper Rifle, not "M2 AS Sniper Rifle".
Thirdly, Plasma Grenades Cannot Roll, The only documentation of environment-grenade interaction where a grenade doesn't slow down is when it hits a downward-moving elevator and only then it moves vertically, not horizontally.
"A Marine approached the Chief. "Sir," He said, "Captain White is waiting, he sent us to look for you." He threw a salute.
"At ease," Said the Chief."
-As the area where the Chief and the Marines are fighting is declared a battle ground, it isn't customary for marines to salute their superiors, lest give them away to enemy snipers. Just another error
"Chief, the MOLJNR Battle Armor is compatible with Merlin's computer needs. Therefore, in accordance with Cole Protocol, Merlin will be accompanying you on your mission."
1."Chief, the MOLJNR Battle Armor is compatible with Merlin's computer needs."
Don't you think the Chief would know what his armor is compatible with? How would the Captain know that about the Chief's Top-Secret Battle Armor?
2. "Therefore, in accordance with Cole Protocol, Merlin will be accompanying you on your mission."
Where in the Cole Protocol does it say that a shipboard AI must be put into compatible battle armor for safekeeping?
Other than those errors I thought it was alright.
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'Nosolee
12:11 am | July 2, 2003
Action Packed!8.75, good, slightly repetative and a few grammer/capitolization errors, but meh, still cool.
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Hunter_Killer
9:09 pm | July 1, 2003
And what do you think of it?
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