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Comments for 'Nothing to Lose Part 1' |
hornet34
2:24 am | September 2, 2003
Thanks gruntkiller. You know what they say, with age comes wisdom, and it doesn't hurt to read up on the classic fanfics.
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Alpha Lance: creator of Halo Trilogy
9:03 pm | September 1, 2003
Look at this!
Alpha Lance: creator of Halo Trilogy
^_^
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gruntkiller
1:19 pm | September 1, 2003
good, very good, great to see oyu writing again alot better then your previous attempt
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Wado
11:31 am | August 31, 2003
Nice going. I enjoyed reading your story. The first few paragraphs were my favorite.
Not a bad thing, necessarily, but I was a little confused with "If the Covenant believed this ruse, the Captain had no doubt they would try to capture the Master Chief and all his knowledge of the Halos and the Flood."
Does this mean that Captain Simms knows about the Halos and the Flood and the fate of the MC, or was this narrative information? Work a bit on writing from a viewpoint character. Place yourself more into the mind of each main character and for those that you choose to be a viewpoint character, let us (the reader) into their thoughts, but be very careful not to reveal too much information, especially information that that character should not know.
Otherwise, like I said I enjoyed the story. Keep up the writing, it is definitely good.
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hornet34
3:39 am | August 31, 2003
Thanks for the comments. I never thought about if the captain would know about what went on on Halo. The story is set sometime after the destruction of the first Halo, but I should have clarified about whether or not what happened there would be common knowledge in the UNSC ranks. Thank you once again.
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DUDE
10:30 pm | August 30, 2003
Better ending
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Walker
6:50 pm | August 30, 2003
Now that was quality writing.
I liked your descriptions, which are an important aspect of any story and, consequently, an aspect many authors on HBO unfortunately pay little attention to. Especially during the dogfight scenes, they made the story all that more enjoyable.
I also applaud your efforts in writing a longer story and having it be told from several points of view. That's another thing that, unfortunately, we don't see very often on HBO.
There were a few capitalization and spelling errors, but since they were few and far in between i'm sure they were simply typos. a spell check and an author's own proofreading can't catch everything, especially when you just finished your story and you're in a rush to submit it. I did the same just recently with Part One of my new series, "Charge of the Grunt Brigade".
Overall this is a 9.5/10 story, and I'm pleased that I took the time to read it and had the chance to view such great art.
Semper Fi, hornet34.
-Walker
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hornet34
2:33 pm | August 30, 2003
Good Point. Maybe since he's such a well-known "Master Chief," when people say the rank they instinctively think of the man.
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Sarge
11:33 am | August 30, 2003
This isn't really a comment as much as a thing i've seen in a lot of stories....
Don't ya'll think people on other ships wouldn't call him the Master Chief because theirs more than one Master Chief... right? Unless he's Master Chief of the Navy (E-9 special). What do you think? I would think theyd call him "The ship held the last remaining Spartan" or something...
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