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Comments for 'Wrong or Right Part 3: figuring things out' |
harley
4:05 am | March 4, 2003
Can I get some more feedback from different people
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Arthur Wellesly
1:59 pm | March 1, 2003
I agree, this is an excellent piece of fan fiction! I thoroughly enjoyed it, but there are some other "comments" I have about it.
Firstly, like the others, your grammer needs a little work.
Secondly, I think you should be overall more descriptive. As Wado said, you do seem to excell when you write about Death, but that is not enough. I think you should use more adjectives overall.
Sorry I didn't post in your previous stories, I have been inactive for a while, and it took me a while to post on this one because I had to read the rest of your series. So keep it up!
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Wado
11:21 am | March 1, 2003
Matt's comment was a good one. Basically, work on improving your grammar. In some cases it is simply that you are missing some needed punctuation: a comma or a period. In other cases, it is just using the wrong word, like using "too" instead of "to" or "their" instead of "there".
Just do the best you can with the grammar, it looks like you rushed the story a bit and should have proof-read it a little more before submitting. I'm not looking for perfect, just better than you did.
Now what I liked about your writing and story is much, it's just the grammar made it harder to read. First I have to say that you did capitalize Death each time like it should be because it is the name of a character in the story, I recall previously you had the name in lowercase at times.
Second, you Death character is really cool. You really seem to rock when it comes to writing about him -- your descriptions flow and you leave out just enough details to make what he does seem easy, and afterall, the best often make what they do seem easy despite how hard it really is.
Please continue writing, if you do have more time, please use it to proof read your stories better... then again maybe this one was more rushed than the others.
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harley
6:20 am | March 1, 2003
I need some more freaking feedback from you better writers I need to know what to do better all I've been getting is like one to three posts to me. So please give me some more. :)
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Matt
3:35 pm | February 27, 2003
Great Story! There is one thing I would suggest though, watch for pauses and put commas there. other than that the story is wonderful and complete in the way you build up suspense. Annxiously awaiting the rest! Keep up the good work.
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