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Comments for 'The Rebellion Chronicles: Number One' |
white grunt
8:22 pm | May 25, 2004
its a great story, love it and to aswer the flood talk thing i don't think they talk
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FUELRODGUN
1:10 am | May 21, 2004
the Flood can talk?
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Mainevent
3:52 pm | May 18, 2004
The flood talked of translators, and TFOR did say something about the neural implant translation software.
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FUELRODGUN
9:48 pm | May 17, 2004
hey, i read that, and it said NOTHING of translators. it did say that they talk in barks, though. oh well.
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Hawk7886
6:56 am | May 17, 2004
Try reading The Fall of Reach, Darkest.
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Mainevent
9:02 pm | May 16, 2004
The books give testament to that fact. The neural implant most humans have translates their speech, not just the MJOLNIR suit.
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Darkest90
7:37 pm | May 15, 2004
@Hawk7886
Really? So you mean to say that the MJOLNIR armor that Master Chief is adorned with translates some of their language out?
Wow, I didn't know that.
Have any proof to go with that remark?
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Hawk7886
10:12 pm | May 14, 2004
One thing: The Grunts don't speak English, they talk in barks and squeals, like dogs. The Humans have spent the most time studying them, however, and have developed translators based on them. That's the only way we can understand what they're saying.
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Mastergrunt
1:12 pm | May 13, 2004
This must be the first time I posted in more than a month. Anyways I like the idea of the rebellion.
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Darkest90
3:41 am | May 13, 2004
Thanks, glad I have people who share my opinions. And...
Can't wait to read the next one. Keep it up Fuelrod.
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Mainevent
8:06 pm | May 12, 2004
You suck cold. :P
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CoLd BlooDed
1:57 pm | May 12, 2004
"Oh, and look for the newest ASoWE sometime soon."
Nah, I really don't think he's coming back. Damn you, H_K! Damn you!
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Hunter_Killer
11:51 am | May 12, 2004
I love this idea, Darkest90 is absolutely right. It seems that this story has loads of potential, and I have a knack for measuring that partucular element.
Love the Grunty Resistance Leader! I belive the little guys should get some more respect, and they're awful cute too.
Lol CoLd, you should be used to it by now. =P
Nick Kang and Scott D have good points.
I think that's all for now. Oh, and look for the newest ASoWE sometime soon. ;)
- Hunter_Killer
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Mainevent
1:50 am | May 12, 2004
Long time no see HK...you coming back?
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Scott D
4:01 pm | May 11, 2004
I like the concept, but I'd find a way for the rebel forces to discern themselves from the remainder of the covenant. A literary device, a descriptive term laden with religious fervor or revulsion for the prophets or Elites. As for explaining their desire for rebellion, go more in depth for their reason for wishing to leave the company of the hierarchy of the Covenant, Hunters generally dont care about anything or anyone save for their own right? Man reading Darkest's posts, makes me wonder what he'd say about my series
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Anonymous
2:00 am | May 11, 2004
A good story. Nuktak probably has a really strong ally because grunts don't get turned into leaders and lead a revolution just because of their skill in fighting.
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Nick Kang
12:21 am | May 11, 2004
Yeah, like what Darkest90 said, don't put Human words into Covenant mouths. In one of the stories I'm writing, a year is called a 'Revolvement'. Try something like that.
And it has greatly improved since your last story, all you need to use now is the code, and since your skills have improved, I'll tell you what it is. :)
To indent, just typre [indent] before the text.
To italicize, type [i] when you want to start it, and [/i] when you want to end it.
To bold, do the same as italicize, just with a b instead of an i.
To underline, do the same, only with a u.
To make a horizontal rule(a line across the text) just type [hr].
I think that's it, unless I'm missing something. Good luck.
NK
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SOS.Odin
9:05 pm | May 10, 2004
not bad buddy
not bad
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Keyes
5:36 pm | May 10, 2004
Escape, By Keyes
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FUELRODGUN
12:03 pm | May 10, 2004
wassit called?
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Keyes
10:10 pm | May 9, 2004
Wow, much better than your last one. And it was pretty cool. Darkest90 is right though. You should work on it. Good job though. Can't wait for the next one. By the way, go check out mine and tell me what you think.
Keyes
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CoLd BlooDed
9:07 pm | May 9, 2004
Well said, Darkest90, well said indeed.
But damn, you took everything I was gonna say.
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Darkest90
8:45 pm | May 9, 2004
Hey, good concept. A group of rogue covenant that wants to destroy the REAL Covenant.
The character Ritsucha, a Hunter in 'The Rebellion' seems like a good one. He has a bond-brother, which reveals a little more in the Hunter culture. Pretty cool. A few things that you need to watch out for.
Never write out a number in numerals. Instead of 20, write 'Twenty'. This makes the story look a lot better, and it will add on to your letter count. The reader will have to change from reading letters to reading numbers, and this is kind of tiring on the reader's eyes. Its just a rule of the thumb.
Furthermore, Ritsucha seems to know a lot about the Rebellion leader. What? He knows the EXACT event in which Ritsucha saw his sister killed? That is kind of unlikely. Make it more vague, because the soldiers in an army will likely know much less about their leaders other than legends.
'Ritsucha had heard stories of the leader of the Rebellion, a grunt. His sister had been tormented by the cruel and arrogant Elites, and this sparked an anger in him that caused a rebellion against the Covenant.' something like that.
Since Ritsucha ISN'T the little grunt-leader Nuktak, make the memories of him very vague. Adds to realism.
A few more thimgs that you need to keep in mind about:
1. The Covenant, being a huge civilization, would likely put a LOT of interest on destroying this Rebellion. It seems to me that Covenant would rather kill traitors and backstabbers than a normal enemy. Plus, the Covenant want to keep the grunts, jackals, and hunters in line. Rebellion would cause many to doubt the words of their commanders. So, it would be a good decision by the Covenant to eradicate the Rebellion quickly and silently.
2. The Covenant don't call themselves 'Grunts', 'Hunters' or 'Jackals'. The humans gave those aliens their names. Grunts have an alien name they call themselves. Same with Hunters, Jackals, Elites, and Brutes. Give them alien names for whatever they are. The grunts could become the Brenno and the Jackals could become the Skarat'Pa. Or something like that. Unless you are writing from a human viewpoint, these aliens wouldn't call themselves human names.
3. There are likely to be cultural barriers between the three races. Language is a big one. Have you ever seen a Hunter or Jackal speaking the same language? No. Grunts seem to have a knack with languages, as they learned English, so they are likely to act as translators between the two races.
Otherwise, very good. Just a few things that you need to worry about. This is just constructive criticism, I hope you know. I just want to improve your story.
Hope to see more!
- Darkest90
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FUELRODGUN
6:27 pm | May 9, 2004
Well, whatta think?
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