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Comments for 'A long hard day of killing humans' |
Alpha Lance
11:53 am | September 2, 2003
Sorry. =(
Alpha Lance
Creator of Halo Trilogy©
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Alpha Lance
7:23 pm | July 29, 2003
Hay Diamond Dog shut the hell up before I shut you
up,you cockmaster 3000.
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Diamond Dog
7:23 pm | July 29, 2003
I SUCK COCK!
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Diamond Dog
2:53 am | July 29, 2003
Hey Alpha Lance, fuck off. Leave the kid alone, eh? He's rough around the edges but I liked it and he's got promise, so why don't you stop being a dickless moron and scram.
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Alpha Lance
10:53 pm | July 28, 2003
Screw you ForunnER,you little M-fer
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Steele
7:37 pm | July 28, 2003
Who in the HELL is that other bozo, steele? I'm the only Steele here, so who was that? At least I capitalize my name.
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FOrunnER
9:09 am | July 28, 2003
I miss typed, I ment to say Halo 2, an ( not and ) Elites version. Guess I really do need to work on grammer
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FOrunnER
4:37 am | July 28, 2003
Hey, I havn't been to the Comment sections of my story yet for a while so I havn't managed to catch all the new comments since I last checked. I'm sorry about all the grammer mistakes, I didn't think it made that much of an impression. Thanks to all the people who did like it. For those of you who didn't, I made a revised story called Halo 2, and Elites version. It may or may not become a series depending on the feedback. Not a lot of battle scenes, mostly just preparing for Earths invasion. I hope those who didn't like my first one will like my new one.
Peace, (oh and PS, for the smart-ass Alpha Lance, I'm 13 okay, so shut it! )
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steele
8:36 pm | July 27, 2003
best story i ever red and best grammer,no problems here.101010/10
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Alpha Lance
8:27 pm | July 27, 2003
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Alpha Lance
8:22 pm | July 27, 2003
Hay me again,saying....
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alpal
6:03 pm | July 27, 2003
man you need to go back to school that was some bad grammer
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Steele
5:04 pm | July 27, 2003
Look what you've did. You've done and gone and Isky cry. Shame on you.
I don't know if it was intended but I found this story hilarious. But yeah, the grammar definitely needs fixing. Lots of fixing.
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Ishkabibbl
11:53 am | July 27, 2003
When submiiting it, ignore FumanCh, he seems to be an idiot. type [indent] if you want an indent.
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Ishkabibbl
8:11 am | July 27, 2003
To me yeah first stories do leave an impression, but it leaves me thinking A: "Whoa this sucks, wonder if he'll get better?" B: "Oh great, make me feel bad. *goes off into cornor and cries*"
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crashedwarthog
6:00 am | July 27, 2003
great story i liked it. i agree with ishka, ignore FuManChu, everything is great except 4 the indent at the start. a few spelling errors never hurt anyone 9/10
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Ishkabibbl
3:27 am | July 27, 2003
I think AAERTH was a good idea, cause we don't know if every last elite would be told, " Ok guys its spelt Earth...which sounds like AAERTH and since we might not have translated it since that annoying Cole protocall and what not."
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Jinkaiden
3:14 am | July 27, 2003
I'd have to place my agreements with everyone else here. It is obvious that you are a newbie, but it's now when you're supposed to make the 'lasting impression' on everyone else. It's the first stories that show people what you can really do.
Just remember everything they others have been telling you, and it's really not that hard.
(I know I sound like a counselor or something, but believe me. I speak the truth.)
By the way, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't take ideas from someone else or something else and simply change the year and name of the location. This is especially bad for video games and movies, where anyone who has played/seen it knows what comes next. Changing the year and occasionally the name of the character won't change the horrible truth...
Jinkaiden
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Hawk7886
2:15 am | July 27, 2003
First thing: INDENT, INDENT, INDENT. It is very annoying to try to read an entire block of words.
Seconde thing: SPELL CHECK, SPELL CHECK, SPELL CHECK. A lot of typos: Gohst is spelt Ghost, Luetennant is spelt Lieutenant. Consistent typos like those tell me that you don't know what they are. Great story, but it needs a lot of work to make it enjoyable. Some grammar mistakes, run the story through a spell/grammar checker before submitting. Don't put apostrophes around every Human thing('sniper rifle' 'battle rifle' warthog'), it's just plain annoying. Saying AAERTH is wierd, if the Covenant have been tracking the Humans for 30+ years, I think they would've learned how to spell 'Earth'.
Fix the above, learn from your mistakes, and I think you will make a great writer! 9/10
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Alpha Lance
1:05 am | July 27, 2003
How old are you,7?Because that was some bad grammer.
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Alpa Lance
1:05 am | July 27, 2003
How old are you,7?Because that was some bad grammer.
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thehonestcritic
12:14 am | July 27, 2003
yeah work on your grammar mate. it makes a good story (i.e. yours) difficult to read!!!
=)
cheers
thehonestcritic
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FOrunnER
10:53 pm | July 26, 2003
Thanks for the comments. But after reading it here on fan fiction I personally didn't like it and might make a revised addition with more details and it not saying Indent.
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Vege7a
10:30 pm | July 26, 2003
Yeah, other than that, cool story. I would have prefferred the Marines to win though...
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FuManChu
9:41 pm | July 26, 2003
Ok, there are some adjustements you need to make:
First, use the right word like their instead of there. And two instead of to.
Second, just press tab to indent instead of writing indent. imagine if every story did that. it would get annoying.
Just some of my thoughts on how to improve your work.
P.S. It is spelled ghost not gohst. :)
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