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Comments for 'Crouching Spartan; Hidden Grunt Pt.1' |
Dave Luck
5:47 pm | July 9, 2004
Okay, okay, okay. Enough of this!
As Halofans, if any of us want to write successful fanfiction, we all have to be up-to-date on the facts!
That is expected of us!
Now, what the hell are you whining about?! Your story is just the same as all the others - a flaccid story. Suck it up, change your ways, and reissue it with correct grammar and spelling, and I suggest you apologize publicly for writing such a story. Take your foot out of your mouth, and wash your face-hole out with some detergent.
I've had enough of n00bs ignoring the advice of others who actually care for this section.
- Dave.
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Echo
7:23 pm | June 26, 2004
. When the hell in any possible way does a two kilometer long Cruiser exist?
wouldn't that be called a dreadnaught or something.-Guardian
Didnt you ever read first strike? my god u retard. they have a 30 kilometer ship in that. remember the unyielding heirophant? ascendant justice? derrrr!
By the way, i do appreciate whatever help the critics are giving me. i pretty much am a n00b at writing. i am more of a chapter-builder kinda fan.
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CoLd BlooDed
11:40 am | June 26, 2004
Nice, Dave Luck, I like you already. :)
Hope you read over my stuff in the future.
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Guardian
3:39 am | June 26, 2004
where the hell is the Spartan??
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Guadian
3:32 am | June 26, 2004
Thank you 343 SB never knew there was an underline option. This will help my fan fic a lot.
a few questions to the author.
1. When the hell in any possible way does a two kilometer long Cruiser exist?
wouldn't that be called a dreadnaught or something.
and
2. If the grunt was down graded so badly, why would they let him keep all his majestic armor and custom made weapon. if they let him keep his stuff that would symbolize he wasn't down graded.
This story is such a mess, i finished through it barely without falling asleep.
3/10
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Mastergrunt
2:42 am | June 26, 2004
A little inaccurate regarding covenant rank and policy, but oter wise is was pretty good
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Sentinel
7:19 pm | June 25, 2004
Don't go down the same road I did when I first started writing here. LISTEN to the critics. They can help you. Just take whatever they say and stuff it into your head. Use it to write a better story.
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Severian
5:00 pm | June 25, 2004
My god, Echo... You're still unapologetic? people are actually giving you advice, and if they seem harsh, well, it's your fault for writing such a unpolished story!
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Dave Luck
4:26 pm | June 25, 2004
Compared to Professional writing, here are your ratings.
----------------------------------------------
Reader friendliness:
0/20 - Jumbled and illegible.
----------------------------------------------
Grammar and Spelling
0/20 - too many '...'s used. Proper grammar off. Nightmarishly difficult to understand.
'... two strikes is too many...' - That should be 'Two strikes are too many.' What the heck were you doing in English class?
----------------------------------------------
Word usage
0/20 - Inappropriate language set. What are you talking about?
You said, 'pissed.' - Not appropriate!
You used, 'fowl' for 'foul' - Are you chicken?
You used, 'your' for 'you're' - Not appropriate!
----------------------------------------------
Word Set and usage
0/20 - Colloquial and inappropriate for Halo and a mature audience. Your various attempts at high-level language are pathetic due to various spelling errors, missed punctuation, and sloppy wording.
----------------------------------------------
Overall story excitement
0/20 - Flat, lifeless and tasteless. Shows no real effort. No effort at symbolism, satire, philosophical values, comedy , or action.
----------------------------------------------
Satire, Symbolism, Philosophical Values, Comedy, action
Not graded for this story. (-10)
----------------------------------------------
Total marks added up.
-10/100.
Comments:
Flat, lifeless, and unexciting. Typical of Halo Fanfic n00bs, showing little or no care for formatting, coding, grammar or spelling, correct punctuation.
Rank:
Typical n00b fiction.
===============================================
Sorry, but this is for your own good. Change your ways, or expect to see another negative ten.
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Echo
3:41 pm | June 25, 2004
By the way, my favorite comment so far has been Dave luck for giving me credit on my sentence structure.
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.................................
3:41 pm | June 25, 2004
Mendoza was technically killed in Halo, but then again, this is fiction, so whatever...-Agent Shade
really! lighten up! my god! its fiction! from fans! dont like, then ur not a fan!
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Echo630
3:23 pm | June 25, 2004
Also, a few punctuation errors, and spelling errors. And I don't think a Grunt would be able to recruit any more to revolt. Because Fimbaw might have a genetic flaw that makes him smarter than other Grunts, but he couldn't get other, normal, wussy Grunts to help him.-343SB
Why wouldnt one grunt be able to recruit others for a purpose like this? jeese! The grunts hate the elites and jackas (nothing against hunters or brutes, though). I mean, Yayap was just a normal Grunt, really, and he took an Elite hostage, put jackals into line, made jackals look up to him, and was really the bravest grunt u could ever meet. So, if ur saying Yayap could do all of that, but not recruit any other grunts to help destroy those he hated, ur messed up in the head, man.
If u dont like my stories, dont read em. theyre not for you!
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Echo630
3:18 pm | June 25, 2004
Read this backwards: I ees diputs elpoep gnikool ta siht.
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Echo630
3:18 pm | June 25, 2004
Duuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh......U think i didnt know that? I was just naming sum names. not all of em needed to be a Grunt u know.
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Tears Of Elyssium
1:35 pm | June 25, 2004
Erm, wasn't Zuka an Elite?
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Nick Kang
12:27 pm | June 25, 2004
Uhhh, Zuka, sorry to say, was not a Grunt.
NK
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Severian
11:06 am | June 25, 2004
Echo, this is disgraceful. Intros are one of the most important parts of a story, and YOU DON'T CARE WHAT PEOPLE SAY! Intros NEED to be well written, and interesting. The whole purpose of intros are to set in place the setting, and to interest the reader into reading more. How can you not care! This is just disgraceful. What you are basically saying is that no matter what anyone says, you WOULD NOT improve. You deserve to be publicly stoned to death.
Well, maybe not. But still, disgraceful all the same.
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Wiley
3:52 am | June 25, 2004
Preach it, Severian!
What does your name mean anyway?
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Dave Luck
4:57 pm | June 24, 2004
Hey, look at that! The censored tags I used didn't show up! I think I'm onto something...
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343 Salty Beans
4:48 pm | June 24, 2004
When you indent, italicize, and bolden your text in your word-editing program, it doesn't carry over to your FF/ That's why you proofread and check for mistakes. Instead, do this:
to italicize a block of text, put [i] before the block, and [/i] to end it. To bolden, do [b], [/b], and underlining is [u], [/u].
Indenting helps seperate paragraphs. To put an indent, put a [indent] where you want it to show up.
Finally, for a horizontal rule, put [hr] between two paragraphs. A horizontal rule usually shows a change in time, place, or other major switch in the story.
Yeah, there's the code. Use it, or the regulars go nuts on you.
Also, a few punctuation errors, and spelling errors. And I don't think a Grunt would be able to recruit any more to revolt. Because Fimbaw might have a genetic flaw that makes him smarter than other Grunts, but he couldn't get other, normal, wussy Grunts to help him.
343SB
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Dave Luck
4:48 pm | June 24, 2004
.:THIS DOCUMENT HAS BEEN OPENED BY CENSOR:.
Code.
Once again, I am disgusted at what is put on Bungie's site.
Here are your ratings.
Oh, and what's with the tags? Normally, I don't use profanity, but I decided it'd be fun to write .
--------------------------------------------
1: Compared to the rest of the on bungie. (Very low standards)
Reader Friendliness
5/10 - Expected of the regular Fanfic. Unspectacular. Uncoded. Hard to follow.
Sentence structure
7/10 - Not bad. Not great either. Some grammatical errors. Sentence structure remarkable for Fanfic Quality.
Spelling and Grammar
8/10 - Some words accidentally capitalized lIke ThIs. Don't do it. Still, at least words ARE CAPITALIZED, so that's good.
Symbolism, satire, philosophical meaning.
None.
-------------------------------------------
Compared to Professional writing.
---------------------------------------
- Dave Luck
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Echo Himself
3:20 pm | June 24, 2004
Give this story whatever rating u want. The first part is just an intro, and i dont give a crap bout how good those are
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Wiley
1:59 pm | June 24, 2004
Code
4/10
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