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Comments for 'The Fall of Lunar 4' |
Olivia
11:01 pm | February 23, 2004
Your stuff is to long to read.Who has the time to read it.I mean rilly.
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spartan 111
4:35 pm | October 25, 2003
long enough? definetly good enough!
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Dispraiser
7:36 pm | December 15, 2002
Oh, but what do you think of what Jacob says in the very end, Meanie. In the final version he says "Lets see you betray us in hell" which is better? I kinda wanted the quick merciless tyep thing to go on like he didn't hesitate to kill his friend for his duty as a marine, but Meanie seems a little... lacking... Also, where is the tension, I want to see that... Because that is what I was trying to do, create characters. THere are many Halo Fanfics, and to make mine stick out I tried to give it a story that will never be wrong, that is why I make no mention of the Spartans or anything that would stamp it as generic. I think that today I will mail Louis the first part of my next fan fic, which also revolves around the world of Lunar 4, thouigh it slightly predates the attacks. So far it is only 14 pages, and I have no intentions of letting it become half as long as this one. SO read it if you get a chance, the first part of it at least.
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Dispraiser
7:36 pm | December 15, 2002
Oh, but what do you think of what Jacob says in the very end, Meanie. In the final version he says "Lets see you betray us in hell" which is better? I kinda wanted the quick merciless tyep thing to go on like he didn't hesitate to kill his friend for his duty as a marine, but Meanie seems a little... lacking... Also, where is the tension, I want to see that... Because that is what I was trying to do, create characters. THere are many Halo Fanfics, and to make mine stick out I tried to give it a story that will never be wrong, that is why I make no mention of the Spartans or anything that would stamp it as generic. I think that today I will mail Louis the first part of my next fan fic, which also revolves around the world of Lunar 4, thouigh it slightly predates the attacks. So far it is only 14 pages, and I have no intentions of letting it become half as long as this one. SO read it if you get a chance, the first part of it at least.
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Dispraiser
6:13 pm | December 15, 2002
Thank YOU!!! I finally get a true reveiw where people don't just say, oh, it was good because they feel obligated to. But yeah, the plot changed a lot, and I am actually confused at how you were satisfied by the ending, because I was not. Through the story the ending changed a lot, and I believed that the ending was weak and had very little support, but as for the long sentances, let me guess where they were, before the city operation, and after the rush towards the satelite, right? That whole area. Throught time the aim of the story also change a lot, from short story with a happy ending, to what it turned out to be and my writing style did to. It's really too bad, had I only written this quicker it could have been half decent. BUt thanks for reading it too.
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Sephiroth
10:00 pm | December 13, 2002
Very very good. The plot and action was good, although there were points where it could have been written better. Also, losing commas in a long sentence and changing it into multiple shorter sentences makes for easier and more impactful reading. The tension of whether he would make it out or not kept me focused throughout the whole story, all 41,000 words of it, so you can bet that's some high tension, but I was satisfied with the ending anyways. For the battle scenes, the one where they parachute down to the city and fight out in the urban environment was the best. It did take me 2 hours to read this, however, which was just slightly annoying.
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Dispraiser
7:43 pm | December 13, 2002
Ah, well feel free to do wahtever you like with it. Any site owners here who want this one?
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Dispraiser
7:43 pm | December 13, 2002
Ah,w ell you can take it if you need, I don't care. Anyone have a site here and wants to have my story! Or willl have a site or something...
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saturn
1:21 am | December 13, 2002
i write short stories for school sometimes, thats why.
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Dispraiser
1:03 am | December 13, 2002
Nope, no begining to this one, it begins with a brief explanation of what is going on and sits you right in his head from there on out. My other fan fics tell different stories of different people who (So far, and hopefully never) don't cross paths with this one. So the simple answer is that there is no begining. If you want to read either of them , I have the first ten or so pages of each done, though I have to admit, the fighter one sucks... But if you want the other...
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Brigad of Marines
10:32 pm | December 12, 2002
Right....what was it again? Please repeat IN ENGLISH.
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Dispraiser
8:23 pm | December 12, 2002
Nah, this one is the base story, it has a tree of other events that don't really spawn from it, but run side by side with it, some predating it by a few days, but most all ending at roughly the same time. But this one goes from beggining to end though the beggining is a summary of the past day or two. The reason? Wll, when this story was first started it wasn't meant to be long, only 10-15 pages tops, and it was meant to tell a story where some heroic thing of good luck and courage allowed them to make it through the valley. However I then read the Fall of Reach, and it turns out that holding out in a bunker would do no good, they would all melt anyway, so then that idea went bye, and the end shifted a lot. THis fan fic got altered too much near to the end though... Most of the middle however I had the same gola in mind, so just read it, and the next one will be better, so if you think this is good you havn't seen anything. But to answer your question simply, no, there is no other story, this is where it all begins though the other two side stories (which are also both not done...) predate the events of this chapter if you will by days.
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Brigad of Marines
12:22 pm | December 12, 2002
Most of the begining of this story was in the other Luner 4 you wrote. Only the ending was not in the first one, Right?
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Dispriaser
11:42 pm | December 9, 2002
Ok, font size 11 (the closest I could come to the FoR font) on 3x5 pages I had 152 pages. So a little shy of half the size of the fall of reach. Just an update on that one...
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Dispraiser
9:29 pm | December 9, 2002
Yeah, Iwas gonna make the margins and font novel sized and see how long it is. But why show your english teacher?
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saturn
7:45 am | December 8, 2002
thinking about it again. u could write ur own FoR. ya, make a booklet and show ur eng teacher.
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Dispraiser
4:52 am | December 8, 2002
Yeah, well this one was the first fan fic in a series of (currently 3) that all revolve around the capture of this one world from different perspectives. The nex one that will probably be completed is currently at 15 pages and probably wont last much more than 40. The other on, which I have much more intrest in will finish up a little later, also shorter with a projected finish at 30 pages. But this one is more than 41 thousand words long... Also I need someone who believes they have been aubducted by aliens. I have a prewar Halo story that I want to write, but sadly I have no idea what the aliens would do to me...
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saturn
10:30 pm | December 7, 2002
being honest, i didnt get that far. well we kinda alread knew the grunt was going to die, especially after u unloaded like 5 explosive rounds into it. no need to say that it had no hope of living. its good though, maybe just divide it into chapters to make it more apealing.
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Dispraiser
11:01 pm | December 4, 2002
Hmmmmmmmmmm.... Surprised anone will put forth the effort to read this... Well, thanks guys, but make sure to tell me what parts go bye bye...
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el_halo_diablo
5:53 am | December 4, 2002
...somthing other than reading
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el_halo_diablo
5:53 am | December 4, 2002
I think I'll save energy reading this story for later tonight ;).
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Dispraiser
4:39 am | December 4, 2002
No really? I adnt noticed... Read it anyway... Read it or you will be cursed!
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Colonel Miltie
10:43 pm | December 3, 2002
This is lllllllllllllloooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnngggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Dispraiser
10:09 pm | December 3, 2002
Yeah, sorry about it being so long, but I dont really want comments as much as you guys telling me what sucks and needs to be pulled out, like if you thouhgt that there was no need for him to be orphaned, or the knife fight was a little to violent or something, tell me here! But assman, if you have only read the first 20 or so pages oi have read the bad part, dont worry, it gets a little better later. The very first designs of it it was meant to be only 10 or 15 pages long, and tehy would all live. Now, they are all plotted to die because I figured out what the covenant do to a planet they take...
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assman
9:02 pm | December 3, 2002
bloody heel man that was imense! i love your 1st person viewpoint it realy adds a certain atmosphere. the only problem id is that i think people will just look at it say to long and not read it. which is funny cos i have a 20,000 wrod novel in the works. oh u guys r gonna love this.i'll post it xmas day (if the people at bungie.org ont stop updating). as for this i am only half way through and i have printed it for some bed time reading :)
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Spike
7:25 pm | December 3, 2002
Yeah, it is great.
Look forward to remainder.
-Lataz
Spike
*http://halo.phu-q.com*
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Neco Divad
4:30 pm | December 3, 2002
Great story, I loved it.
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