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Comments for 'SNIPER, Part Three' |
spartan CXI
9:18 pm | April 12, 2004
a little on the shortt side ... ... but a damn f#%$ing god to earth story if i ever heard one. MAKE MORE. Is kelly a virgn? tell, Now...........
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Vege7a
5:09 pm | September 7, 2003
Thanx. :]
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m6dRoundInYourHead
7:30 pm | September 6, 2003
but dont get me wrong it is a good story
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m6dRoundInYourHead
7:30 pm | September 6, 2003
even in the head
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m6dRoundInYourHead
7:21 pm | September 6, 2003
and a battle riffle wont kill an elite in one shot bc it wont get through the shields
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m6dRoundInYourHead
7:19 pm | September 6, 2003
good story but even if he is a bounty hunter he is still kinda invincible u cant jump of a four story building and imediatly kill and eight foot tall cyborg alien with four times the speed and strentgh of u
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Vege7a
3:59 am | September 5, 2003
Thanx Delta 117. :] I'm gonna' try and get the next one done soon...but it'll probably take a while...
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Hunter_Killer
8:15 pm | September 2, 2003
But, I DID see this somewhere... maybe somewhere on you site... Hmm.....
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Delta117
4:17 am | September 2, 2003
Hey, I liked the ending. In my eyes, it does explain alot that Tallent was able to do so much beause he was a Bounty Hunter. I won't critisise your work. Alot of others did that, but keep up the story. It is interesting.
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Vege7a
10:19 pm | August 25, 2003
Good idea J-pr1m3. The next chapter'll be a background chapter to explin the characters a bit. Sorry 'bout the language, I kinda' like using a few words they say in Blackhawk Down hehe lol, they're not cursing specifically 'cause they're angry...I personally use curse words in everyday conversation, [only with my close freinds of course:]. I'll try to lay off on the profanity a bit. Oh and BTW: I'm gonna' be gone for about a week so It'll be a little while before the next chapter's up, [I'll hurry though.]
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J-pr1m3
9:03 pm | August 23, 2003
...oh yeah, forgot to mention... wow, the characters are quite profane, aren't they? I mean, sure, I'd be pretty angry if aliens were killing people and destroying places familiar to me. But we're not angry *all* the time, are we? A little less vulgarity would be appreciated...
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J-pr1m3
7:24 pm | August 23, 2003
..........
I have an idea as to clear Tallent's name as an easy-mode Covenant killing machine... why not create a side story explaining everything, or maybe a flashback of some sort. As for grammar, it's still difficult to see who was saying what. Paragraphing the quotation lines makes it easier to read. And once again, mentioned by plenty, please describe how something happened. For example, you mentioned they went for a training simulation. Excellent idea, but what happened *during* this simulation? It sounds much better to *show* what's going on than *telling* that this or that happened. Hopefully you can get things straightened out. Good Luck!
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Anonymous
4:35 am | August 23, 2003
Sorry, but this simply wasn't good. 5/10
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Vege7a
12:43 am | August 23, 2003
Hey Hunter_Killer! I didn't copy this fan-fic! You may have seen it in my 7th Coulumn chapter: 7th Column Writers but that is the only other place I have posted it! If anyone has copied this fic, it's not me. I swear to God and on every dead person in my family's graves.
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pooman
8:54 pm | August 22, 2003
good 9/10
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Khyber
7:55 pm | August 22, 2003
i never said anything about dying, i just said perfect is boring, which it is. if things were perfect you would have no challenges and life would be boring. perfect characters are boring, and just because you make an imperfect character doesn't mean they have to die. i mean, what fun would halo be if you beat every level in 30 seconds and never died? not much fun.
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Hunter_Killer
7:32 pm | August 22, 2003
Hey, Vege7a. You coppied this fanfiction out of a site i saw... I'm sure of it. lol.
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Vege7a
12:14 pm | August 22, 2003
Hear hear! In the Artemis Fowl books, Artemis is pretty much perfect, that's what makes the books interesting.
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FOrunnER
11:38 am | August 22, 2003
PS, read my knew storie, Spartan III's.
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FOrunnER
11:38 am | August 22, 2003
Swatting them down like flies is not realistic, but you make a good effort. 7/10 or 8/10.
P.S. read my new series, Spartan III's
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Ishkabibbl
3:32 am | August 22, 2003
I hate when asses say shit like we all want this or we all want that, well fuck you ass, I like perfect charecters cause it can lead in new directions instead of:
The MC was surrounded...then they shot at him...again and again until he died...and they shot his corpse a few more times for insurance.
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Vege7a
1:44 am | August 22, 2003
Quiet mortals, I and only I know the true background of Lance Corporal Jake Tallent. Sit down and shut up. You have no right to question his skills any more. I will explain all in good time...
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Spartan 117
1:17 am | August 22, 2003
"Everybody's a critic."
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oogabooga
1:15 am | August 22, 2003
if he had all the physical augmentations administered in the SPARTAN-II program, and all the training and stuff, he wouldn't have scored so low on the training tests or whatever. looking back, your story has a few holes in it.
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Khyber
1:12 am | August 22, 2003
dude, even the MCPO couldn't kill covies that easy, one shot, and he was in his suit! you shouldn't make your characters too perfect, it gets annoying. we all watn to see someone we can relate too, someone with faults.
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Vege7a
1:05 am | August 22, 2003
Okay guys, maybe I wasn't clear enough, he is an interstellar bounty hunter with all of the physical augumentations of a SPARTAN okay! Happy now? I was gonna' reveal that in the next chapter but ohh well...oh, and he was an Assassin at one point too...I was gonna' wait on that one as well but I need something to shut you guys questions about killing Covies easily up. No more questions about his mad skillz anymore okay! I'll explain in many more ways than one...
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FOrunnER
12:41 am | August 22, 2003
I ment new.
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Alpha Lance
8:18 pm | August 21, 2003
I like this one too.
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Tango709
8:15 pm | August 21, 2003
interstellar bounty hunters with mad skillz like jango fett don't exist. i mean, even though Halo is a science fiction at least it is reality/science based. a real bounty hunter will pull a gun on you, slap on some cuffs and load you into his trunk, drag u down to the precinct and collect his dough. not a full-out assault on a military bunker. a bounty hunter doesn't have the acess to elite military/law enforcement training like Special Weapons and Tactics teams (SWAT) do, so they can't take down somebody so dangerous that it prepares them for war. get it?
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CrazyCanuck
7:35 pm | August 21, 2003
Great story I really like it. You should try to slow the pace of the story down a bit, be somewhat more descriptive of what's going on in your story and make it more realistic (how does he kill all them damn covies) but other than that it's lookin pretty good, keep it up
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Elfster
6:02 pm | August 21, 2003
Wait a second.... UTC time must be way too fast, because there was NOT four minutes inbetween those two posts, there was more like one.
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Elfster
6:00 pm | August 21, 2003
Lol sorry my first paragraph was a little harsh, im not in the best mood right now so sorry if I sounded more like a total jackass than a critic.
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Elfster
5:56 pm | August 21, 2003
I agree. He drops thhem like flies, but its getting a little better, this time he actually had to use TWO moves to kill an elite! How fucking exciting! NOT.
Needs to be longer and more complicated in plot. He could have atleast had a big battle with the golden elite or met some resistance on the way there. Even the MasterCheif in most fan fics isnt that good.
But the torpedoes and self destruct was interesting, but still a little too lucky, and the bounty hunter thing gives it some twist that it didnt have earlier on.
Overall, 6/10 or 7/10, i cant decide
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turbus
3:52 pm | August 21, 2003
the storyline is cool, however, like Tango709, FOrunnER, and DUDE have said; covies wouldn't be whupping us that bad if they were so easy to kill. Or, you could explain why, other than being a bounty hunter, is the reasin he's whupping them so bad. His past? some bological upgrade that he got way back when? luck? or hes beating them now but later his but is gonna get whipped? i dunno. just some possibilities. Other than that, 4/5. Keep wrting!
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DUDE
3:32 pm | August 21, 2003
If youre going to keep it interesting, he cant just whoop the shit out of everything he comes across. They are called Elites for a reason. Jakass (c)
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FOrunnER
1:08 pm | August 21, 2003
I have to agree with Hunter Killer and Tango, killing covie off liking nothing is unrealistic. Why are they beating our asses if there so easy to kill? But your overall storie is good so I'll give you a 8/10
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Vege7a
12:41 pm | August 21, 2003
Thanks Hunter_Killer. And he's an interstellar bounty hunter, like Jango Fett. Jango Fett kicked ass.
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Tango709
10:57 am | August 21, 2003
again, killing covies left and right like they're flies. plus bounty hunting is about as warlike as being a regular cop. you still got a lot to learn if you join up. please, more realistic next time. 8/10.
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Hunter_Killer
10:26 am | August 21, 2003
I like this one.
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