 |
About This Site
Daily Musings
News
News Archive
Site Resources
Concept Art
Halo Bulletins
Interviews
Movies
Music
Miscellaneous
Mailbag
HBO PAL
Game Fun
The Halo Story
Tips and Tricks
Fan Creations
Wallpaper
Misc. Art
Fan Fiction
Comics
Logos
Banners
Press Coverage
Halo Reviews
Halo 2 Previews
Press Scans
Community
HBO Forum
Clan HBO Forum
ARG Forum
Links
Admin
Submissions
Uploads
Contact
|
|
|
Comments for 'Air Force Wing: Part 1, First Contact' |
CoLd BlooDed
2:53 am | January 24, 2004
IIIII'MMMMM BAAACCCKKKKK! Now you can all welcome me back.
*silence*
Okay then....
|
Walker
11:17 pm | January 22, 2004
Anybody ever noticed how many mistakes the Halo authors make? Dietz changes people's genders, Nylund (I love his work, but I must point this out) changes calibers (he referred to the MA5B as .390, while it is really .308 [7.62mm], and called the LAAg 50mm instead of 12.7mm, among other things. He referred to the cannons on the Longsword first as 110mm, then 120mm.) Make up your mind, good sir.
|
Capo Rip
4:30 am | January 22, 2004
I think it's in the start of First Strike, Steele.
Good grammar, but the spelling errors got to be distracting. And, yeah, the dialogue was just like so many war movies.
And what rank is Harman? He has a squad... marine captain? Lieutenant?
Bring on the action!
|
Steele
3:04 am | January 22, 2004
Hey, Sterefrye, how do you know they have 110mm cannons? Is it in one of the books?
I've been out of touch for a while, but what happened with some of the old comment pages? None of my stories have none of the comments they did have.
About the story before I get accused of spamming:
Grammar. I don't mean to be overly-critical here, but, put bluntly, your grammar was horrible. The story itself was all right, just fix that bloody grammar, mate. Type it up in Word, not on the post story screen.
|
Hikaru-119
1:02 pm | January 21, 2004
Seemed a little fast, but then again I write to the 32k limit on all of my stories. Oh well. I noticed a few spelling errors here and there, but overall not that bad. I'll be wanting to see how well you can write combat scenes. Hope you do well.
|
CoLd BlooDed
5:21 am | January 18, 2004
Good, you're writing has definately improved since the first time I read ur first story.
Keep it up and keep using the code. I haven't made a permanent return to HBO just yet....
Gotta get my damn hardrive working again.
|
Sterfrye36
8:48 pm | January 17, 2004
I agree. It was slow. For the record, they are called Longsword Interceptors, not fighters, but I suppose reffering to them casually as fighters is all right. Also, they have 110 Millimeter rotary-cannons, not 70 mm. Not too bad, but could do with a little bit more effort.
|
teemus
6:44 pm | January 17, 2004
Thnx for the comments guys. Ill put some more character devolpment in on the next chapter. I will also try to make sure that i catch all of the errors.
|
Mastergrunt
5:03 pm | January 17, 2004
A little corny with the marines attitudes but oterwise it was okay.
|
Awacar
4:52 pm | January 17, 2004
Agree with witelancer, but you had space for character development here, I would even advise you to put some extra text in here. Both because of more to read and more detailed characters.
Some errors found their way into this story, errors that simply would not have been if you added a little more proofreading.
Overall, this was good, but not "the top of the hill" standards. 7+/10
|
witelancer
2:30 pm | January 17, 2004
Hey, good work.
Nah... it wasn't slow. Not enough character development if you ask me... perhaps you should introduce them more clearly and at length if this is going to be a long series?
-8/10
|
|
