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Comments for 'All Roads Lead To Sol...Unless Stated Otherwise: Chapter 4' |
S7N
12:05 pm | June 17, 2003
wow!! cheers guys, thanks for the input! and Steele, i do my best to format it.
In Microsoft Word ts set out just like the two Halo novels, but when you cut and paste it onto the Submission Form it loses the tabs. and the chapters are quite chunky and it would take TOO long to space them all out, but i'll try, just for you
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Steele
8:15 pm | June 16, 2003
I pasted and read 'em and I must say: They're pretty good. Your characters interact nicely, Sarah definitely interacts, and I like the title.
9.5/10. A rare high-grade given from me. I implore you to format it next time, though...
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Agent Shade
6:18 pm | June 16, 2003
holy shit man, these four stories of yours are great! just awesome dude, i really like this series. slut or no slut, hell, i'd take Sarah any day. you should've made it so that Harris didn't get any help from those drunks. i hate assholes like him. Greggs is the best though. great job, keep it up 10/10
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Wiley
1:55 am | June 16, 2003
Great story. All the characters are really thought out and deep. I just hope we get to see some fighting soon. That Sarah girl has me thinking of Ryoko from Tenchi Muyo: hot, deadly, and a bit of a slut.
9.75/10
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RazorCow
2:04 pm | June 15, 2003
Wow, I really enjoyed this one. You have a nice sense of atmosphere there. It has a sort of 1940s war-story-feel to it. Keep up the good work!
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Berconius
3:18 am | June 15, 2003
Nice work developing the characters. It seems a LITTLE trite some times... but your story's fine as it is.
Sarah is being developed as some what of a slut... you might want to slow her down.. a little bit... She's like one of those fast girls your mama warns you about.
If you develop more of the Characters' MENTALITIES then you could get us readers to really get connected with them. Something to make them intellectual or quirky. Quirky is pretty difficult to do though.. I'll have to try it some time.
As of the moment, people wil miss Sarah if you kill her off because of her erotic nature... in other words her bazookas... if you gave her more of a personality, a life before the service, a NON-SEXUAL roguish nature, then she can be liked as more than a laurel wreath.
As of now, your girl characters seem to be a pack of sluts or just happen to really like Manny. You might want to change this, we don't need a ladies man on the battle field... The news is already all over "Colonel Kasanova"...
8/10
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Diamond Dog
2:33 am | June 15, 2003
Damn man that was nice. I like this, this is very good. Great writing, great characters, great elevator scene. That Sarah chick sounds smoking hot. Keep it up, me wants more.
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