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Comments for 'Fleet Wars: Pilote' |
Jetboogieman
9:36 pm | March 22, 2004
Im 14 man
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CoLd BlooDed
2:37 am | March 22, 2004
How old are you anyway?
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Jetboogieman
6:26 pm | March 11, 2004
I think i'll carry on the series then
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CoLd BlooDed
5:01 am | March 11, 2004
Don't get impatient and ask people what they thought, if they read it, they'll tell you.
For the story, it was better than your first, that one sucked. You still need to work on grammar. And yes, you do need to read the books, it'll make your stories twice as good.
Blood and guts aren't for "flavor", it depends what you put in the story, even if a chapter doesn't have the faintest trail of action in it, it could still easily be awesome and intriguing.
Keep workin' on it.
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Helljumper
4:45 am | March 11, 2004
You need to read the Halo books. Halycon class ships are old and not used anymore. The Pillar of Autumn was the only one in service and was on a special mission.
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Jetboogieman
7:39 pm | March 10, 2004
Sorry about that something wierd happened
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Jetboogieman
7:38 pm | March 10, 2004
Hoped everyone liked the blood and guts bits I thought that would give it a bit of flavor
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Jetboogieman
7:38 pm | March 10, 2004
Hoped everyone liked the blood and guts bits I thought that would give it a bit of flavor
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Jetboogieman
7:32 pm | March 10, 2004
Well thats too much detail
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Snake Solid 117
7:20 pm | March 10, 2004
AT first I liked the description in the midst of the stories progress, but then you tsrated to jump around far to much. You need to slow down and desribe things so that people can easily piece it together. I don't want to preach here, but here's what I would do.
Captain Tilkon quickly wlaked onto the bridge. A luitenant, Willow, quickly rushed over to inform him of a nasty devepment.
Sorry if I was boasting.
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