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Comments for 'Titan - Chapter 3' |
Vero
4:39 pm | August 18, 2002
Hey Jaywhit10, awesome story i loved it! I don't see what everyone is talking about. Hey, you should try and make more of your other stories! The "Hell through the eyes of a marine" That series was so cool!!!!!
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Jaywhit10
12:32 am | August 17, 2002
Alright, i got that. I think thats thats interesting, so alright i'll get back to the writing. Alrighty ttyl
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Arch
12:30 pm | August 15, 2002
i also noticed, rereading it, that Lt. Webster says 'alright' far too many times to be healthy. also, the marines always address him as 'Lt. Webster', and not 'sir' or 'l.t.' or another marine slang term. you might wanna work on that. it adds to the realism.
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Arch
12:25 pm | August 15, 2002
it makes up for whatever comedy you forgot to put into your story? lol nice work Jay
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el_halo_diablo
5:22 pm | August 14, 2002
yah exactly :). If youve read Mis-adventures of master chief, you can see why I have to make a joke in every reply ;)
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Knightmare
8:02 am | August 14, 2002
I think what he means is just work on it, let your dialogue flow freely dont strain it
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Jaywhit10
3:23 pm | August 13, 2002
Thx for some of your comments, in the ways of speaking. If you read more closely, you would understand who was talking.
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el_halo_diablo
6:07 pm | August 12, 2002
I had a hard time trying to read who was saying what(it was all smashed together): "hi sir." "oh hello" "sir they just fired a missle!" "who said that?" "we just fired a missle on your ship!" "who did?" "lookout!" "where?!?" "oh im not talking to you" "prepare to die!" "ME!?!" "no that person" "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"...... see now you feel my pain
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saturn
6:30 pm | August 10, 2002
well done. when you said "armed to the teeth", i thought u meant saturain cannons and anti-armor fire shredding the cumbersome grizzlies, but what the heck.
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Jaywhit10
1:41 pm | August 10, 2002
I've wanted to do something with some new characters but just didn't know which story to put them into. I've worked hard on this and I hope you enjoy it. I spent 3 hours straight writing this on my day back home. So this is my last comment for a week unless I find a computer where im going. Enjoy
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Knightmare
10:42 am | August 10, 2002
I'll admit i just kinda skimmed thru lol... long night, good from what u had, really wondering what those "humanoid blue things with shields and big guns" are
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