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Comments for '(part 1) Memories...' |
343 Salty Beans
3:54 am | June 24, 2004
I'm gonna post everything I see, one at a time. I'm reading it and typing it at the same time.
Here goes:
1. "This is the end" needs a period after "end".
2. In "Grunts,Elites,Jackals,and even...", there needs to be a space between each comma and the next word.
3. A rigid Colonel Havers stood in the front of the pelican,"Allright men, We've been in this platoon for a long time, I've seen yall grow up from maggots to men. I'm lookin' into each of yalls eyes and you know what I see? I see warriors, warriors wanting to kill,warriors wanting to make things bleed,to make things die! When your feet hit the dirt and the bullets start to fly,remember that you are marines! You do not die without permission from me! You kill,you don't get killed,I'll be right there with ya, Now let's get out there and do our job!"
Needs to be:
A rigid Colonel Havers stood in the front of the Pelican. "Alright, men! We've been in this platoon for a long time; I've seen y'all grow up from maggots to men. I'm lookin' into each of y'alls eyes and you know what I see? I see warriors, warriors wanting to kill, warriors wanting to make things bleed, to make things die! When your feet hit the dirt and the bullets start to fly,remember that you are Marines! You do not die without permission from me! You kill,you don't get killed! I'll be right there with ya! Now let's get out there and do our job!"
OK, I'm getting sick of this. You should know what is wrong, just proofread next time!
343SB
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gasman
3:54 pm | June 22, 2004
Also,wierd boy is a kid from my school,ignore him,we all wonder if he's gay...
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gasman
3:47 pm | June 22, 2004
Thanks for helping salty beans,I was wondering if you could help me with the grammatical stuff that I know for shure you saw
"Open fire!," The sargeant yelled.(I'm not sure how to fix that stuff or how it works) If your a member of the 7th column please stop by my chapter Shielded Warriors,we can talk in a non forum style there...lol
I really want to be a better writer and I thank you for your critisism.My AIM sn is warbrittpaintbal...that's only one L,there was not enough room. Please stop by my chapter and help me out,thanks.
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weird boy
11:08 am | June 22, 2004
i say its a pretyy good story abut you gusy are obssed wiht a game instead of going out lookign for girls but its still godd dont get me wrong.
Dimas Benitez
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gasman
11:00 am | June 22, 2004
Hey,I don't know if Bansheeboy is calling me a noob but I think it was a fairly good story,I have part two coming out soon,I don't have Microsoft word so I have to hand check it if anyone has some helpfull comments,please post them.
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BansheeBoy
9:32 am | June 22, 2004
I'm not dissing u gasman but I consider anyone that doesn't use the code a n00b
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343 Salty Beans
5:45 am | June 22, 2004
USE THE CODE! Here it is for YOUR BENEFIT, since you didn't read the FF guidelines, like almost all newbies on this site. But that's okay, cuz I didn't either on my first fic. Anyhoo, here it is:
When you indent, italicize, and bolden your text in your word-editing program, it doesn't carry over to your FF. That's why you proofread and check for mistakes. Instead, do this:
to italicize a block of text, put [i] before the block, and [/i] to end it. To bolden, do [b], [/b], and underlining is [u], [/u].
Indenting helps seperate paragraphs. To put an indent, put a [indent] where you want it to show up.
Finally, for a horizontal rule, put [hr] between two paragraphs. A horizontal rule usually shows a change in time, place, or other major switch in the story.
Yeah, did you see the proofreading part? That'll help. I proofread every single one of my stories before I submit, and a few mistakes still get through.
Other than that, way too many grammatical, formatical, punctuational, and spelling mistakes. They make reading it a headache.
I dub thee 'n00b'. Make sure thy folklore be proper and well-written, lest thou face the flaming of many forum regulars.
343SB
PS: to wierd boy-
Yes, I know we should probably be out looking for girls. I try, but being a nerd, it makes it a teeny bit harder. But I figure when I meet the chick, I'll know she's right. Then I'll haul my butt off this site and stalk her :).
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that guy
2:38 am | June 22, 2004
its a good story.leave me alone.
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kirpan
6:14 pm | June 21, 2004
i take it that they were fighting rebels or something like that.??
"my name is kirpan"
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BansheeBoy
10:53 am | June 21, 2004
Too many n00bs....
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