Ever Have a Day Like This?
Posted By: Sterfrye36<Sterfrye36@yahoo.com>
Date: 2 June 2004, 10:03 PM
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Please take note: I didn't do this for any other reason than to be goofy. This isn't meant to be serious, nor is it a masterful comedy. It's kind of…well…mildly amusing. Strike that; it's kinda crappy. Anyway, this is not made to make fun of anyone in particular, nor any group. This is a nice little therapeutic story if you have a boss that's a jerk, a complete moron, or both. Without any other waiting besides a few lines of blank space, feel free to enjoy!
Of the two kids on the couch, the one on the right was the most frustrated. The kid on the left was most annoying. Most annoying indeed.
"So…" the kid on the left began. "What do I hit to enter the Jeep?"
"You hold 'X' and it's called a 'Warthog', nimrod."
"Okay…and how do I switch weapons again?"
"Y."
"Well, I wanted to get into the Jeep, but this huge armored thingy blew me out of it. I want my shotgun, but I don't know how to switch to it. And, since I'm facing one of those absolutely huge things…"
"A Hunter."
"Yeah, a hint giver, I think I'd better…" but the boy trailed off as the incredible "hint giver" crushed his character with a smack from its shield. "Darn. How long to I take to come alive again?"
"The term," the kid on the right muttered through clenched teeth. "Is respawning. Got it?"
"Like that one comic book character made by Todd McFarlane?"
"RE-spawn, not Spawn!" The kid on the right wondered what on Earth had made him decide that it was okay to bring this fool into his home?
"Oh…sorry, it's just that I--ah, there we go. I'm back."
"So I noticed."
"Hey, where'd all the enemies go?"
"I killed them while waiting for you to respawn."
Not to be outdone, the kid on the left quickly spotted something out of the ordinary. "Hey!" he yelled. "There's one!" The kid on the right watched disbelievingly as the kid on the left fumbled with the controller and got his desired result. "Got him!"
The kid on the right didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "You IDIOT!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. "You just shot the last Marine left!"
"Oh. Sorry…you mean they're not enemies?"
"No! They're on our side!" The kid on the right was inches from tearing the kid on the left apart when he noticed movement on the screen. The Marine was still alive. Barely.
Then, suddenly, a small baby-blue ball of death appeared from the top of his screen and landed on the poor Marine. The plasma grenade exploded. The kid on the right turned, his breaths coming in short, ragged gasps. He was going to kill him for that. Unfortunately, he never should have let his attention drift from the screen. Otherwise, he would have noticed that the other kid's Master Chief was running up behind him. His head snapped back to the screen as he heard the telltale sound of a melee attack death.
All the kid on the left had to say to his dire series of mistakes was..."Oops."
As the camera panned out for a better view, the kid on the right tackled the kid on the left and they tumbled over the back of the couch. It was a fierce but quick struggle as the kid on the right manhandled the one on the left. To finish him off, the kid on the right wrapped his XBOX controller around the kid on the left's neck. He threw the rest of the cord over the ceiling fan and tied it up. He then ran over to the wall and turned the fan over to its highest setting. The small length of cord lifted the (still living) kid on the left and swung him around through the air.
The kid on the right felt relief flood through his system. He'd probably be shot for the murder, but that was okay. The kid on the left was making gurgling noises, and the Doppler effect created by the whirring of the fan's blades distorted them. The kid on the right settled down to play single-player and enjoy what little time he had left on the outside world.
Unfortunately for the kid on the right, the laws of physics took over and freed the kid on the left. As he spun round and round, centrifugal forces caused the little connector at the head of the controller disconnected and tossed the kid on the left from his perch. Which, unfortunately, happened to be right above the kid on the right. The kid on the left dropped down and landed right on top of the kid on the right.
As the remaining controller was crushed, millions of instruction commands were sent to the console in the controller's dying spasm. The game froze, and the XBOX made a tremendously loud, buzzing sound. Great. Not only was the kid on the right going to get nailed for attempted murder, but his XBOX jammed up in the process, too! What was next? Was his XBOX going to simultaneously combust?
The kid on the right's eyes jumped as he noticed thin tendrils of smoke emanating from the fan ports on his beloved console…
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