Attack on some Human Ship (a comedy)
Posted By: Nick Kang<digitai430@yahoo.com>
Date: 12 April 2004, 12:26 PM
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AN: Okay this is my first comedy, so don't make funna me if it sucks.
TIME:12:03(WAIT, WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE IN MILITARY TIME? OH WELL.)
DATE: JUNE 6, 1944—WOOPS SORRY, I GOT CAUGHT UP IN WWII. JANUARY 30, 2553(YOU MIGHT THINK I'M GONNA SAY 'HUMAN MILITARY CALENDAR', BUT I'M NOT.)
SHIP: ABOARD SOME UNSC SHIP, TRAVELING THROUGH SPACE.
WHERE: SPACE (DUH)
The world was a dark place. It looked as if Satan had smote all of the bright planets and stars and comets, and asteroids, and meteors, and orangutans (wtf?), and nebulas and— Captain George Cheddar realized he was getting ahead of himself. Sitting up, George removed his sunglasses, and the world was bright again.
Just then, a Marine patrol ran in, looking as if they had just ran from the Devil.
"Sir," one of them said, "There are Covenant boarding parties inbound! We're all gonna die!" and with that the Marine started walking like a chicken and walked out of the control room. Cheddar stared after him for several seconds before turning to the other Marine.
"Ummmm, yyeeaahh..." he trailed off, "just make sure they aren't here to make a Peace Treaty before trying to kill them."
"Wait, kill us or kill them?" the Marine asked.
"Them"
"Then who kills us?"
"They will."
"Then who kills them?"
"We will."
"But I thought they killed us..." the Marine said.
They will, but we'll try to stop them. Now get to your post, Marine, and remember, make sure they're not here to form a Peace Treaty!
Private George Farley (wait, wasn't that the other guy?) Okay scratch that, Private Nick Gorgonzola left the bridge. Wait, I thought it was called a control room, oh well. He walked down the halls of the Some UNSC Ship, where his friend, Corporal Brad Swiss had just gotten in a Yo' Mama Joke fight with another guy.
Finally, after walking through hallways, and corridors, and tunnels, and halls, what other names are there for them? Well anyway, he reached his post, Lifeboat Airlock- 029. He stood in front of it and could hear the Covenant boarding parties on the other side. There was a bang and the door exploded in a hail of blue plasma. Before the plasma had cleared, a glowing blue blob sailed out of the explosion and stuck to Gorgonzola's chest. Despite the plasma grenade stuck to him, Gorgonzola had the urge to raise his hand and yell:
"Are you here to make a Peace Treaty?" then the grenade exploded.
"Yeah, well Yo' Mama so fat, she went outside and there was an eclipse!" Corporal Brad Swiss (previously introduced by poor, poor Private Gorgonzola) yelled at his opposer. Just then, his opposing Yo' Mama Joke enemy disappeared under a hail of blue stuff. The blue stuff seemed to burn the guy, and he seemed like he was screaming as the blue stuff hit him. Swiss looked over at where the blue stuff was coming from and saw two Covenant Elites holding things that were shooting the blue stuff.
take me 2 ur leedur!" the Elite yelled.
"Woah, you speak english bad." Swiss said.
"i no i just lernd yestrdae."
Swiss didn't take time to respond, but instead, jumped several feet into the air and began flipping, MA5B blazing. Dood! How am I doing this? he thought as he soared through the air. That was when he realized that he didn't have a clip in his assault rifle. While still flipping through the air, he fumbled through his ammo pocket and brought up a new one and jammed it into the MA5B. Swiss was about to take aim at the stunned Elite again when he hit the wall and got knocked out cold.
I do that horizontal rule thing a lot don't I?
Let's see, who else is there to write about? I can't think of someone. Let's see, we've got Cheddar, Swiss, Gorgonzola, I know! This could be from the Elite's point of view!
Rookie Limburger 'Colbee watched as the Human somersaulted through the air with no ammo and hit the wall, getting knocked out cold. 'Colbee walked on, just plainly walking through the halls as Humans and Covenant battled it out, as bullets and plasma shot past him, and no one tried to stop him. He just walked into the Human control room and picked up the ship master and then just walked out. Once again he walked through the halls, no one stopping him, and then he walked into his boarding craft and took off to the Some Covenant Ship...
TO BE CONTINUED...
(if I get good reviews...)
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