OlahJust your average halo spoof
Posted By: Mr.Elite of Antioc<mreliteofantioc@sympatico.ca>
Date: 23 March 2004, 6:08 PM
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Olah
Just your average Halo Spoof
Episode #1 The Pillar of Winter
The Pillar of Winter was truly an awesome sight. Awesome, yet threatening with rows after rows of archer missile pods. It's a shame that the threatening look of the outside does not have any affect on the interior.
"Sir," asked lieutenant Dominique "Can we please turn up the heat?"
"Negative," responded Captain Lockes "It's called the Pillar of Winter for a reason you know."
"Covenant forces sighted," said Anatroc the ship's A.I "They're boarding our ship."
"I don't want anyone on their battle stations immediately!" said the Captain.
"No one?" asked Anatroc confused.
"No one." Replied the captain.
"Time to unthaw the Master Chief." Said the captain.
"We received an order to thaw him out," said the crewman " Ok you press control, shift, u and then enter, good I got the hang of this."
The Master Chief came to. He yawned and asked "Man, could someone get my a coffee I still feel dead?"
He stepped out of the capsule, tripped and fell.
"Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww," he moaned.
He realized a crack was in his armour.
"Here have some duck tape, there see good as new. No one will notice." Said the crewman nervously.
A marine entered the room and stood at attention.
"The captain needs you at the bridge sir." The marine declared "follow me.
Meanwhile the ODSTs (Orbital Drop Stupid Troopers) were assembled in formation.
Sergeant Johnson yelled " For all you greenhorns who never wanted to Covenant up close today's not your lucky day."
On the bridge Master Chief saw the captain.
"Hello Master Chief" the captain said "Here have this pistol, I don't keep it loaded but you can find ammo around here, someplace, I hope so anyway. Good luck, oh and by the way here is Anatroc."
The Master Chief ran out of the bridge and right into the action. He saw a dead marine with a full assault rifle. He picked it up thinking it was a better gun than the one he had and found some pistol ammo. He heard action in the cafeteria saw a platoon of marines firing at a squad of Covenant. He shot one round and then was distracted by the vending machine.
"I could use a cheese burger." He said as he slipped in his money "Oh this is good."
When he finished the battle was over and he casually walked out and immediately started to fire his gun. Two elites dropped dead and master chief was out of ammunition.
"Ok how do I do this Anatroc?" asked the Chief "How do I change ammo?"
"Well…" said Anatroc " You take out the clip, then throw it away and then put in a new clip."
Chief did the following and the screen that normally displayed the number of shots and north now read: You idiot that was pistol ammo.
"Oops." Said the Chief.
"Lets get it right this time Ok Chief." Said Anatroc. After many times of changing ammo with no success the Chief continued to fight on. He fired a couple rounds at an elite in front of him and missed. The screen read: crappy shot.
"I'd have to agree on that." Said Anatroc.
"Shut up," said Master Chief "Please get out of my head."
While the chief was distracted an elite fired and the chief was hit.
As the chief charged into battle and it hit is head shield.
"Watch it!" said Anatroc "There are three of us in now remember."
"Three?" asked the chief.
"I invited Déja over." Said Anatroc.
"Now today we will learn about…" started Déja began.
"Shut up." Ordered the chief.
The intercom voice said "Everyone get to the escape pods, on the double!" then it went out.
"That means us chief," Anatroc said "We did all we could. Sort of."
On the way there he killed grunt after grunt.
"This is fun." said the chief "I could do this all day."
On the way to the escape pods he got lost. He wandered around in circles.
"Uh-oh," he said " Anatroc can you help me?"
"Sure thing Chief." She replied "What do you want to know?"
"I want to know the way to the escape pods." He said.
Before Anatroc could answer the intercom screamed "Master Chief get to the life pods now! To get there follow the arrows."
The Chief followed the arrows and managed to get there on time. He saw a panicking marine holding off grunts and jackals.
"Are we gonna live?" asked a marine in a panicked voice.
"Probably not," said the chief "But we'll try, really, really hard."
"And we're off." said the pilot as she pushed a few buttons and put on some sunglasses. The Master Chief just stood like nothing was happening.
"Sure you wouldn't want to take a seat?" asked Anatroc.
"We'll be fine." Answered the chief.
"What is that ring thing?" asked a marine.
"I don't know but we're landing on It." Replied the pilot.
"We'll be fine." Said the chief.
"You already said that." Anatroc said.
"I know." Said the Chief. "We'll be fine."
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