Super Hero
Posted By: AmokTheClown<jake.oconnell@defence.gov.au>
Date: 18 October 2004, 4:03 AM
Read/Post Comments
|
For those of you that don't fight...
I have no direction at the moment. I don't know what to write. I don't know what to think, I think the only reason that I'm still breathing is because my body is telling me to.
I'm lost in thought and I'm thinking why I am, and all its causing me to do is spin around on an ever decreasing circle and I'm afraid of what will happen when I get back to the point of creation, the point where I started all this pondering.
I keep thinking that, as stupid as it is, that I'm going to meet up with my past self and I won't know what to say to him.
To me.
If I was to warn him... what would I say? Whatever you do, don't think about tomorrow. Don't think about your friends, don't think about your responsibilities, don't think about your family, don't think about your job, your life, don't think about the people you have to save, or the work you have to do.
And most of all, don't think about what you're going to say to yourself when you come back to your point of origin. The point where all this pointless thinking started. Because when you get there you'll realise that you won't know what to do, think or say.
You will be completely unprepared.
There are so many thoughts floating through my head right now I think I'm going to drown in my own consciousness. There is a flailing hand bobbing up and down in this sea of nothingness and I'm sitting on a life raft holding the oars watching it happen. I don't even know if I want to row over there and help myself.
Its like someone asking you what would you ask God if you had just one question. How the hell are you supposed to know that? It's like some one saying to you, 'you have one thing to say to your girlfriend/best friend/parents/wife/husband/kids before you die'.
Not knowing what to do is absolutely petrifying. But at the same token, maybe I'm not supposed to do anything in my life. Maybe I'm just supposed to idle on through, eat, sleep, procreate, having no purpose but to be there.
On the other hand, what if I were to spend my whole life searching for my place and then discover that I had none. But then, wouldn't I have done something, something for the greater good. Helping humanity along the way?
I can't stop the endless repetitive loop that runs through my head...
What if I fail...
What if I fail...
If I had a definite place, then life would be much simpler, something like a super hero, I wouldn't have to worry about these problems, or tomorrow, they would worry about it for me...
But sometimes i can't help but think...
Am I that super hero?
|
