The Insane and Somewhat Comical World of Master Chief by Anonymous Guy
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GTA: Carjacking Evolved
Date: 23 March 2003, 6:58 PM
////Master Chief's Report On Vice City
Oh my god it was so cool! Hey look a resturant I wanna go inside! Wait a minute I can't! Damn you Rockstar! Oh my God a mophed I want it! I want it! What do you mean Cortana I can't have it? Wha?! I have a mission?! I have to kill a guy in my Rhino tank? Okay! Wait a minute all weapons cheat activate! Wait a minute what set do I want? 1...2...or three? "Just pick the first damn set and come on, we only have two minutes!" "Fine you hologrphic biatch!" (Master Chief moves around) Whoa this game is so much cooler! I can actually carry ten guns at once! Wait a minute that really sucks! How in the hell can I have a rocket launcher and five rifles and six semis? "Stick to the damn mission MC!" Alright fine! (Master Chief gets in Rhino)
A minute later....
I'm on your ass you dirty bastard! Wait a minute, it's Captain Keyes! And he seems disgruntled! "He's stopping the car! Drive away before his posse jacks you up!" "I should've killed you when a had the chance Master Chief! You always declined are relationships! I hate you! Kill him boys. No don't Captain Keyes! I always loved you! (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM)
Boy this time system is wierd! A minute is a second and a hour is a minute! "Rockstar was never bent on realism." Couldn't agree more! How in the hell could I blow up in a vehicle and get out of the hospital a day after I should've died! Wait a minute where is Captain Keyes? "In the slammer gettin' ****** by some other desparate white boy!" WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Today was our aniversary!
A few hours later (minutes)
So what now? Oh I know lets do Sir Yes Sir! "Okay." I think i'll just park this Banshee in front of the convoy... "Convoy halt! Move that Civilian Vehicle soldier!" "Suh yes Suh!" Dammit that didn't work! oh crap they got away I failed the mission! Finally I can have my Mophed! Hey you dirty biatch gimme you Mophed! "Ahhhh!" Heh heh let me just cruise around. O shit it da Haitians! "I want to here you scream!" AHHHHH. What the hell happened? "I ended the simulation Chief. You were getting your ass kicked!" Okay well I'm glad you saved me! I love you Cortana! You have a nice can! Wanna get busy? "Not right now! Besides, the matter calibration unit isn't working right now!" Fine. Hey wanna play tic tac toe? "Sure." Okay let me draw the square. Xs or Os? "Xs." "This isn't going to work Chief." Fine party pooper. "So how long have you and Keyes been seeing each other?" ever since I've been in Spartan training. I still remember that day, he came up to me and said "I just love little children" and took me into the cryo lab, locking the door... "That's disgusting... You seriously need to get aid sometimes this week." I'll try but it's probably be to hard. I wonder where Anonymous Guy is?
AG ENTERS
"Why I'm right here! So what's up?" Ahh nothin' much. I saw what you did to me on Halo! "Wha?!" Yeah, you through me straight into battle with that Hunter! Instead of sniping him out from afar. "Aww shaut the hell up!" Did we exceed to word limit yet? "I don't know!" Okay I'll sing a song again like last time! (Cortana and AG both say together) "Oh hell no!"
EVEN MORE SHITTY SONG ALERT
THERE WAS A BATTLE DEEP IN SPACE!
WHERE IT WAS A HOLY RACE!
THESE COVENANT MO FOs DON"T GET OFF MY CASE!
AND If THEY DONT! IM GONNA GO BUCKWILD!
HIT EM SHOOT EM UP STYLE!
"Oh jesus I'm getting the hell out of here!
Coming Next: Matrix Rip - off
After that: Smokin' Weed Evolved
"Wait Wait Wait!" Why are you still goin' on?! "I have to exceed the word limit! I only have 650." Damn that sucks.
JUST BEAT! JUST BEAT IT! BEAT IT PAST THE LIMIT!
OH YEAH!
"Please stop Master Chief. You make music sound like noise pollution!" "Alright let me check the words now!" "damnit 703" Let's see here! I gotta joke to tell ya' Anonymous! What do the Covenant call their beaches? "I don't know what?" Covie Coves! "That sucked big time!" Yeah I know! So tell me about Smokin' Weed! "well you and Captain Keyes are going to be hittin' up a joint!" Oh yeah I can't wait! I'll be in a fiesty mood! "You need to get laid." Why does everybody keep on saying that? "Oh cool! I went past the word limit! I need to work on longer stories!" Damn straight! "Aight I'll see ya'll later!" Bye Fool! AG EXITS "God I hate that dude.." "GRENADE!" I'm not fallin' for that again! "GRENADE!" Shut the hell---- (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM) Ow goddammit!
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