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Short, Fat and Proud Of It by fatmanintweed
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Short, Fat and Proud Of It - Chapter One
Date: 19 December 2004, 8:05 PM
Huzzah rolled clumsily out of the way as the jackal's plasma rifle embedded itself in the snow right where he had been standing. He levered himself up with difficulty, gasping for breath. He challenged the jackal to a game of fisticuffs, making strange rotary motions with his claws. 'You'll never beat me and you know it, Pug!' he remarked.
Pug made a noise like a reptilian cat being strangled, pulled his weapon out of the snow and fired at the grunt with its remaining energy. He threw it at the grunt as a last attempt, who rolled untidily out of the way once again.
'Agile are the grunts,' commented Huzzah. 'Swift and cunning and...dazzling. You think I need a weapon to defeat your puny attack? Ha!' This last syllable was projected as haughtily as possible. 'Ha, ha, ha!'
'I shall have your flesh, fat one,' hissed Pug. His large, pointed teeth glinted in the weak sunlight.
'Indeed?' said Huzzah. 'Oh, well in that case, consider me terrified. What are you going to do? Smile at me?'
'Worthless Unngoy!' spat the jackal, charging at Huzzah with his arm shield leading the way. Huzzah was sent flying, arms a-flailing and issuing a shrill scream.
Just then, another grunt waddled determinedly into the scene. 'Don't worry, Huzzah! I'll save you!' A round of pink-purple needles failed to penetrate Pug's shield, ricochetting off it in several different directions.
The jackal span around. He lunged fiercely at the grunt, determined to enforce his superiority. The grunt managed to dodge him, but only just. 'Come out from behind your shield, Pug,' he said. 'Then we'll see who's truly the better warrior.'
'No!'
'Why not? Afraid?'
Pug didn't move, and stood there for a while breathing heavily, his eyes locked on to the grunt. Then he said, 'If you think you are so great, come and get me!' When the grunt did not respond in any way, Pug issued a satisfied laugh and began to turn away.
He didn't have time to react as the grunt charged with full force into him, successfully depleting his shield and scorching his arm in the process. Before he could tend to it, the jackal was hit by an onslaught of vicious slapping.
Huzzah once again picked himself up. He watched his comrade's attack go on for some time before making his way towards him and saying, 'You can probably stop now, Kadab.'
Kadab gradually slowed down until his arms hung limply at his sides. Sprayed purple blood generously coated both he and the surrounding area. Pug was pratically flattened.
Huzzah sighed. 'I was coping perfectly well on my own, you know.'
Kadab turned to face him. If he could have raised an eyebrow, he would have done.
'Well, sort of.'
Kadab turned back to Pug. 'I hate these Kig-Yar,' he growled. 'They think they are so much better than us, when we are so much more beautiful.'
'Yeah,' said Huzzah, in vague agreement. 'We need to do something with this body. We don't want the wrong kind of people on our trail.'
'And since when have we ever been a subtle and inconspicuous race?'
'True,' admitted Huzzah. 'But let's get rid of it anyway.' They grabbed a leg each and dragged him across the ground.
'So what started the fight?' asked Kadab.
'He insulted my mother.'
'Do you even remember your mother?'
'No, but it's the principle,' said Huzzah. 'In retaliation, I told him that feathers were a really girly thing to have on your head, and so he tried to kill me.'
'I see.'
They arrived at the edge of a cliff. The whirling snow prevented them from seeing the bottom, so the drop seemed endless. They placed the jackal's corpse on the ground and Huzzah disposed of it with a running kick. The thump of its impact on the snow below told them that the drop wasn't all that great, but was nevertheless satisfying enough.
The two of them started to make their way back to camp. 'He was the last of the Kig-Yar, wasn't he?'
'Yeah. I wish Aymorlphat 'Lukatmee hadn't fallen down that random chasm. Then the Kig-Yar wouldn't have taken it upon themselves to take the lead and we'd still know where we're supposed to be going.'
'Why didn't we just dispose of them sooner?'
'Rummo insisted that we needed their aid,' said Kadab. 'He was probably right, but he's dead now, so I no longer trust his opinion.'
'Well, Kig-Yar or no Kig-Yar, I have this feeling that we have a huge adventure ahead of us. Dramatic way to start it, though, eh?'
'Not really,' said Kadab. 'There were no explosions.'
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