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In the Shoes of a Sucky Player by spartan058-halogeeky
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In the Shoes of a Sucky Player part one: too many cliches
Date: 3 December 2005, 11:15 pm
Notice: I'm am sure that none of this has to do with any of you readers. This story is for humor, and maybe for giving a new outlook on the game. I do not mean to offend, and I hope you enjoy this story.
In the Shoes of a Sucky Player
In the Shoes of a Sucky Player is quite an odd title, but, I assure you, that it's indeed the correct one. Whether it is playing campaign or multiplayer, if you put on these shoes, you will surely suck. I've just so happened to name these shoes and I call them: I just play the game because I shoot stuff. Yes, it's a long name, but just so you don't get confused, call them Ipgiss. I've never actually worn Ipgiss myself, but I know a few people who have.
It was a beautiful day in the United States. It was raining outside, and thunder crackled in the distance. It seemed that too many clichés were in the air, but his mood was steadily improving as his Xbox warmed up. Ipgiss had finally gotten the most anticipated game of the year; actually, of five years. But it had come soon enough, and he was ready to shoot everything in sight. All of those stupid Covenant are finally going die! And die in more ways then ever!
"And I, Ipgiss, am going to be the one to execute them!" Ipgiss shouted with excitement. The Xbox gave out its familiar "logo" music, and soon after, Bungie's logo music played onto the screen. It had an electric guitar to it now; a nice little change.
Ok, ok, pause. What does "logo music" have to do with anything? Yes, it's very pretty. Move on.
Ipgiss smirked.
"Well, it is a very nice change!" He argued defensively.
Ipgiss continued, made a profile, and started a new game. When it came to the difficulty, he selected easy, because it will be easier to kill the aliens, and he will have more fun with it too. The game started.
Now, I must point out, easy mode is a great start to a new game. Explore the game on easy, get to know the story, so that when you choose the higher difficulties, you will be able to take in both. If you just so happened to pick "Heroic" the first time you played, then I bet you would be too distracted on surviving, and wouldn't listen to Cortana's little speeches. But, you see, Ipgiss has made his first mistake. He chose "easy" for the wrong reasons. I quote, "because it will be easier to kill the aliens, and he will have more fun with it too." Well, yes the game is fun. But it is not all about "killing things".
Ipgiss ignored the narrator, whose voice seemed to be coming from the ceiling. It is a First Person Shooter! You're not supposed to listen to what Cortana says! You're supposed to SHOOT STUFF! Ipgiss rolled his eyes. What else could this game be?!
I was about to punch the stupid kid, but I soon came to my senses, and calmed down. I had almost forgotten that the kid was wearing the felt-covered moccasin-like shoes I had been talking about earlier, and they were clearly blocking his way of thinking. It was a good thing they were so tacky and noticeable, because without the pink lining around the light tan covering, I wouldn't have noticed them until after his black eye.
"I'll give you a black eye if you don't shut up," replied Ipgiss under his breath. He watched as an Elite talked, then a guy in a floating chair. Ipgiss sat there slouched, about ready to press the "A" button, but was afraid that he'd miss the green-armored hero that kicked ass. They rambled on some more, and Ipgiss grew distracted.
"When you first saw Halo, were you blinded by its—"
Ipgiss had had enough, and he finally pressed the "A" button.
I just felt as if my heart was ripped out, chopped up into tiny pieces, fed to a cat, had the cat chopped up into tiny pieces, thrown in a dumpster, then had some sick weirdo collect the remains of the dead cat, and use them as chicken feed…Ok, so maybe that was a little over exaggerated. But it hurt. Curse that "A" button! People skip the cinematics all of the time, but you at least got to watch it once.
"Would you just shut up? I wanna play! I don't care about some Elite who went blind!" Ipgiss shouted. Just then his mother popped her head through the door.
"Mark, who are you talking to?" His mother asked.
"The stupid narrator who keeps commenting on everything I do," Ipgiss replied.
Two months later, after being diagnosed with schizophrenia, and undergoing intense therapy, Ipgiss returned to his game, and decided not to skip the cinematic.
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